Here Comes Santy Claus...

Merry Christmas everyone!

Jace





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MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT

Sal and I were in Sam's yesterday and while wandering around perusing packages of toothpaste with 12 tubes of pasty substance in 'em and 50 pound boxes of oranges and other such stuff, I stumbled across my once a year edible extravagance. The YARD O BEEF!






I half ran, half skipped across the expanse of Sam's Club Warehouse, with a silly grin on my face, ecstatic with what I perceived to be the best purchase of the day. Nay, the best purchase of the month! I paused to look at my Yard O Beef, looked up and spotted Sally across the store. Holding it high and waving it wildly "HONEY!!! LOOK!!!! IT'S THE YARD O BEEF!!!!" She was busy crawling under a pallet of beans, obviously looking for something, so she most likely didn't hear me... so I said it louder as I ran towards her waving my meat stick at her.

Girls aren't as enamored with Yards O Beef as men are. Here... looky at the end of it. Now there's some MEAT! All smokey tasting with some ground up beef parts and possible chicken parts as well and it wouldn't suprise if there was some pig parts in there too. It's THAT good.







Mmmmmmm! Jealous huh? Oh oh... this package was mis-labled. It's gotta be a collectors item. Check it out!








You get 4 guys together, drinkin' beer, smoking cigars... there's 4 servings there. LOL I laugh. 24? Lordy... what a misprint. Oh and this stuff burps great! It's almost like a whole nuther meal of it later on.

Get your guy one of these for Christmas and he'll probably take you on a cruise. Honest!






As long as I'm on the whole meat thing, Oprah was named "Person Of The Year" by PETA. If you've read my blog much, you know how much I LOOOOOVVVEEE PETA. Here's PETA's article 'bout Oprah.

Awesome huh? Wait! I've got a great picture of ol' Oprah and that guy that won't marry her. Here.









Cool coat eh?


See? Here's the thing with me and PETA and it's followers. If you're so appalled at the idea that my fur coat (I don't own one...lol) is made from skinned animals... you oughta be so appalled that you wouldn't even wanna wear something that LOOKS like real fur. Seriously. I mean it. And to go even further, why in Hell do you wanna eat a veggie burger thing that looks like a meat hamburger if meat and the idea of it disgusts you? Here, look at this thing...







My way of thinking is, wad up that tofu veggie conglamoration and eat it as whatever it mashes out as, be it yellow goo or green pate`. Just don't make it look like meat on purpose. Lordy. Oh and that picture there... that tomato/pepper mess on the right, *gag*. I saw Eddie Pflum throw up a better looking meal in the back of the school bus in the 5th grade.


I think I'm all done now.




NO! Wait! I gotta Christmas picture! I got a shot of Santa doing some early shopping for y'all! I'm hopin it's not meat!










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Head Em Up, Move Em Out, Run A Stick Into Your Eye

Had to move the cows over to the winter pasture a couple of days ago, pretty much uneventful... 'cept for nearly loosing an eye and punching Jake in in the head. Nicky almost caught it all in action, but not quite.

Robert hung a bale of hay on the TOD (tractor of doom) to sorta bait the cows into a nice easy move.





And as usual, it worked just dandy. A few stragglers brought up the rear outta the frame. It's a big 'ol outdoors out there.







I went down to turn the water tank on that sits behind the pond dam and as usual I played a cruel joke on myself and left the valve laying in the bottom of the water tank. The water tank was full of water... which is now solid ice. I'm just guessing Nicky was entertained by the fact that I thought I could do something about it by kicking the water tank.

No it didn't help.







Eh, there's a couple of creeks that run through this pasture and they're still running good so far, so the stock tank ain't that big of a concern.... yet. Here's hoping for a nice 2 or 3 day warm spell so I can get it all running like it's 'posed to.


We were leaving and I happened to remember a corner wire gate that I'd opened a few months ago when I was chasing a cow. This thing is NEVER opened and I ain't got a clue how the heck I remembered it being open... at least until I had to chase cows all over Hell's half acre in the middle of the night after a phone call from some poor soul that dodged cows on the road.

I got outta the truck, Jake followed me, I reached down to hook the bottom wire and ran a twig in my eye. I staggered back a bit... see that little bent over Elm sprout? Yeah, in my near blinded state I backed into it, flailed my arms for balance. Jake happened to be RIGHT THERE behind me and while he was laughing, he caught a knuckle sandwich to the punkin' in my effort to keep my balance. I mean a good one too! It smacked like a raw steak hittin' the skillet.

It was his turn to stagger back.

I'm right on the other side of him in this "almost perfectly mistimed shot" holding my eye while he rubs his face.







Jake: I CANNOT believe you just punched me in the head!

Me: I think I just lost my right eye!

Jake: You almost broke my glasses!

Me: Is my eyeball bleedin'?

Jake: That REALLY hurts man!

Me: It's all blurry. I think I scratched it.

Jake: *looking at his glasses now* I can't believe you punched me!

Me: What the heck did I jab my eye on?

Jake: Would you shutup about your stupid eye? You just punched me in the head!

Me: My eye is more important than your head, for crying out loud...


As you can see it did NOT degenerate into a "pitiful me" discussion... it started there and never left.

Here we are still whining 'bout our massivie individual injuries. God love Nicky for never stopping the camera to come and check on us.







In case you're all worried and crap. My eye is fine. Jake's head is fine and so are his stupid glasses.

It's always high adventure 'round here.




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I'm Gonna Tell!

So I'm in the shop today working on a table leg at my lathe, and Jake comes in the shop and stands in front of me. But let me lay the whole story out first.

It's cold here today, bitter. It snowed about 4 or 5 inches of dry, dusty snow. Kinda uncomfortable outside. Jake (my son) is home between jobs right now until after the first of the year and has spent most of his time home hunting. Today though, Sal was in CLEANING MODE. When she gets like this usually she gives us a warning and that warning is.... "the ponytail". When we see Sally pull her hair back into "the ponytail" we run. We scatter like a buncha turds in the septic tank of life. We (meaning me and Jake) know that when the pony tail appears, nothing good is going to come to either one of us. It's going to be chores, details, do this type of things... and do it now.

On days when she's not in Ponytail cleaning mode, she's the sweetest, most fun woman I've ever had the pleasure to share company with. When the ponytail comes on she get's those swirling circle crazy eyes.

Today was a weird one... she didn't pull her hair back into a ponytail, but she went on the house cleaning vendetta just the same. Now me... being wise, I realized this and hightailed it to the shop and stayed there. Jake, being not quite as mature as I, didn't draw this conclusion quite so fast. And in all fairness, the task that Sally blindsided Jake with had been given to him days ago. *Finish the Christmas lights on the front of the house*

So back to the beginning, this 6 foot 1, 23 year old man, comes sliding to a stop in front of the lathe, a disgusted look on his face, and he stands there until I shut the lathe off. He's covered with snow, cause it's really coming down. He has on 2 stocking hats, cause it's bitter outside. He has his deer hunter beard going on, which matures his looks even more...

Jake: Where's the little aluminum ladder?

Me: I think it's beside the house where it was left after phase 1 of the Christmas light installation.

Jake: Oh.

Me: What's up? *smiling* You look kinda uncomfortable.

Jake: Mom's cleaning.

Me: Yeah I know. I'm out here.

And the line that killed me... spoken so matter of factly.

Jake: She's bossin' me around like I'm some kinda asshole.

Me: *staring*

Jake: Really.

Me: *just smiling*

Jake: *turns and leaves*

I called Sal in the house.

Me: You got told on. *laughing*

Sally: How's that?

Me: Jake came out and said you're bossing him around like he's some kinda asshole.

Sally: *hysterics*

Me: *hysterics*

Sally: That all?

Me: Yup. *laughing*




Some days it's just the little scenes in life that catch my attention.






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Guilty

This is our 2 dogs... that's Stella on the left, the cute little redhead that she is. On the right, that's our other dog. She'll remain nameless today to protect her identity.





I've made an attempt to disguise her, just in case you happen to run into her some day on the street. I don't want her to suffer the ridicule that might be tossed in her direction if she were to be found out.

See... today... she's got a case of the doggie vapors to end all. All three of us were sitting here on the couch just watching Kelly's Heros. well not so much the girls as me, but we were all here sharing the same air space.

Suddenly the one on the right stood up, looked at me, sniffed her rear end, looked at me, paused, blinked a few times in rapid succession, looked at me again with what I swear was a grin... and then crept off the couch to the other room.

Now my nose is not exactly virgin territory to animal odors, or people odors for that matter. Hell, I'm a man after all and as a whole, we're a pretty gauche bunch of hairy, scratching, picking, human beans. Just wanted to clarify that, cause what came next was of monumental proportions.

For a few seconds I didn't realize just what had been perpetrated in my breathing quadrant, and then the cloud assaulted me. My sweet little doggie had slipped a whisper of colossal immensity. I'm afraid the couch is damaged. Stella (the other dog) just lays here beside me shivering and whimpering... much like I am.

I don't know if we'll ever be right again.



Can you give a dog Exlax? I mean without damaging the dog further than she obviously already is. Sumpin' needs to get outta that lil' dog's bottom.




Dang...

I Dunno...

I'm taking the loser blogger way out on this post, 'cause it's just a video... but not just ANY video. I watched this and at first it was just a "what the....???" reaction, very soon though I laughed so hard my spleen lunged up out of my innards bringing with it my appendix and half my colon which resulted in my soiling myself, and how.

Yes it's THAT funny... but I ain't right, so your mileage may vary.

Sal sent this to me this morning. Yes, we live in the same house yet we communicate via emails and IM's as regular as we speak. Racy MSN messages are all the rage on our little wireless network. *wink wink* I met her on the internetials, you know. :-)







Oh crap! It's garbage day! Gotta get it out! Later!

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Toys To Avoid For Christmas 2008

Some toys you may wanna avoid this Christmas... there's a couple here that just don't look safe to me. I'm not an authority on this stuff by any means... but there's one or two that just don't appear to be PC either.


























Later tater.
J.





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