So Here It Is... The New And Improved Sawdust & Cowpies

  Truth is folks, I "think" I became a little bored with the whole blogging thing.  As near as I can tell I'd just hit a wall and as bored as I possibly was, I still wanted to do it.  With a little impetus earlier in the week from a friend, it got the wheels churning with what it (the blog) could evolve into.

  Frankly, I don't know what corner of my brain this whole farmboy advice format crawled out of, but praise Jesus it got out.  It was causing parts of my personal being to cramp up uncomfortably.

  If you've got troubles, and I'm talking about ANYTHING... I feel very qualified to help you out.  Now bear in mind it might not be the answer you're looking for and above all, there's a good possibility that it's gonna be an "improper" answer.  But by golly, it's gonna be an answer.  If it helps you there's no charge.  If it's a complete failure, there's no charge.  It's freeeeeeeeee!

  Everything will be discreet, your name or email address won't appear on here anywhere.  I promise.  If what your problem concerns needs a picture for better description... say a nasty skin disorder or a snake in your underwear drawer, include a picture.

  I'll kinda pick and choose from emails (hopefully enough roll in and this whole concept crawls around the internets) and answers might be a bit delayed if a lot roll in.

  So, how's it sound?  Totally incredible?

  Yes.  It does, doesn't it?

  Fire away Friends, Romans and Country Fried Steaks!
 

  The Cowguy

  PS.  All content from the old Sawdust and Cowpies stays as she lays.  ;-)
  PSS Thanks to my daughter Nicky for the new banner.  It rocks, she rocks.










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I'm Working on Something Here...

  Yes.  I am not amongst the dead quite yet.  It's been close once or twice. 

Mostly I got a little kick in the jump starter this morning and whilst I was on the road today the ol' Cowguy wheels were churning and spinning and grinding and squealing and making all sorts of shitty noises.  I'm surprised you didn't hear.  Anyhow I think I may re-invent Sawdust and Cowpies into something more than it is, which lately has been hordes of nothing. 

What pray tell?  Audience participation.

Let me think this out a bit.  Okay?

Okay.

Oh and this pic has nothing to do with anything.  It's awesome, isn't it?



Later... and soon.
J.




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Rotten Ronnie's Got Some Big Nuggets

Driving by ol' Rotten Ronnies today and I noticed that they're real proud to offer you a 50 count load of McNuggets for $9.99. 

That's known as Dinner For Two down at the trailer park for Jr. and his old lady Wanda.

And that "Party"?  It'll be a bring your own Rolaids and toilet paper type of affair.







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How I Almost Fell In Love With A Chinese Girl Named Janet.

Okay so I was wanting a new pickup/pre-amp dual feed setup for my Martin guitar... cause the old one sucks like a carp on your ninny down at the old swimmin' hole.  I got this Fishman Prefix Premium S.O.B. (the actual model name... that kinda kicks ass huh?) all picked out but the dollars were a little steep for my wallet... around $400 bones.  I went to Ebay and did some searching and found about a half dozen of 'em from a seller in China.  Now I've bought a few things direct from China, never had a problem, so I wasn't too concerned with the fact that it was located way over there.... and it was $160 bucks.

Now I'm always a little amused that when I deal with anyone overseas, they plaster themselves with an American name.  "Janet" made me laugh out loud.  The Chengrish emails that Janet and I started exchanging on a daily basis were the highlight of my mornings for almost a month and a half.

I saved all of the emails, I'll give you some highlights.

hi there
thanks for your email for us
since you are interested in this item XXXXXXXXXXX
we 'dlike to offer you $161 inclduing shipping for one set of Fishman.S.O.B preamp byu regsiter mail
any further needs welcome to contact us again
regards
janet

Okay so this is going pretty well so far.  Janet communicates.

hi there,
payment already been received,and we ship it for you into next 24 hours.
please don't worry.
best regards
janet

The "please don't worry" soon became a reoccurring theme in our emails, that always made me smile.  Along about 3 weeks into it, I sent an email a little concerned about where my 160 dollars had gone.  Janet replied back.

hi there,
thanks for you contacting us with the problem. your order was shipped out on Nov-29-10 to this address:edited out
the tracking number for you to use: XXXXXXXXXXX
please check package: www.usps.com
shipment take about 14 ~ 21 business days for international package. now is also the special time, as the christmas day is coming, there are lots of packages waiting for custom clearance and delivery for the united states america
could you please be more patient and wait for another few days?
your understanding will be much appreciated.
please don't worry.
best regards
janet

You darn tootin, this also special time. lol

So 'bout Jan 3 or 4 I send Janet another email telling her/him that it still ain't here and we need to do something else.  Janet turns things over to "Cherry". 

I'm overwhelmed with mirth.


I am sorry for that.
You need me to resend DHL or EMS?  If yes, you send me USD$22 for splitting shipping
cost. Package arrive to
you in 5 or 8 days.
best regards,
Cherry

I reply to sweet little Cherry that I'm not sending anymore dough and that they need to take care of the problem.
Janet replies back.  They're tag teaming me like a Mexican Rasslin' match now.

hi there

thanks for your email

sorry for later shipment

now , you need we re-send this SOB for you ?

(LOL re-send this SOB kills me)

please don't be afraid, we start using ebay shippingtool system on 30,December. which have contract EMS, every transaction be automatically produced a barcode address. 

before that, we don't have transaction record on ebay site. 

best regards,

janet

Okay... ol' Janet kinda lost me towards the end there.  But I decided that playing along was best and just let 'em send that SOB to me again. 

Well to make a long story a little shorter, today... January 18th, the first one arrived.  I don't really know what happens to a package that makes it look like this, but I was pretty well laughin my butt off when I saw it.

Awesome eh?

What was amazing is that the fairly delicate electronics looked to be in pretty decent shape... I ain't laying no bets if they work or not.  Before I got hacking a hole in the guitar, I think it might be prudent to wire 'em up and see if everything really works. :-)

Please don't worry....

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It's Over. What Happened In The Restroom, and Organ Transplants.

The holidays are over.  Praise baby Jesus.  With everything that took place between Thanksgiving and New Years... holy cats.  Everyone is gone from our place 'cept for me and Sally, it's been a rotation of family, friends, ner' do wells and etc for weeks now.

Last weekend was the last weasel strangled and it was a fun one.  Some of the kids were here, our grand daughter Emma celebrates her birthday on New Years Day so we had a party for her.  Some friends of ours got married on the same day at 1 pm... you know 01.01.11 at 1.  I was the best man and it was a hoot.  Real small service with just close friends and family.  My daughter Nicky did the photog work for 'em and she sent me this today with "This is just disturbing to me... and I think it's illegal to actually grab your junk in church."

Mark and I go waaaaay back and we've kicked a lotta turds around the yard over the years.  I was honored he asked me.

Anyhow with the end of the festivities I'm giving my liver a break.  It's kinda been like "make that bastard fight for the right to live inside this handsome hunk of man". 

It screamed Uncle.

Okay so yesterday, we were in town and I needed to visit the potty.  We were in the local farm and home store and I beelined it back there.  Folks.  I have no idea on earth what had transpired in there before I arrived but it was bad.  How bad?  For want of a better description it smelled like someone had ate a decaying donkey and then carried it around inside of 'em for a week and then shat it all out in one fell swoop.  It was one of the most ghastly things that ever entered my lungs.

I had to go pretty bad.  I stepped back out and looked around on the nearest shelves for something to spray in there... starting fluid, WD-40, livestock spray... anything to mask the odor.  Nothing.  I re-entered the fetidity and gagged.  Back out.  Tearfully I jogged back outta the store.

What the hell makes something that already smells bad... smell like that?  Seriously.  I thought about calling 911 and just having the EMT's frisk every farmer in there to see if one of 'em was the walking dead. 

Criminy.





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More Crap You'll Find On My Desktop... Part Whatever

Looking at my stats, whenever I do one of these blog posts, they consistently get more views than regular posts.  I think it's the nosy, curious side of people that just want to see what the heck is kept on someone's desktop... other than themselves.  It's probably the same thing that causes your eyes to drift to the house at night that's all lit up with the drapes wide open, or maybe what causes you to crane your neck when you pass a wreck on the highway.

Actually, it's probably real close to the later there.

Anyhow, a collection of crap on my desktop of things that are important to me for whatever reason, or just something that I thought needed to be snagged as I cruised past them on the big ol' wide open internets.   I give you, in no particular order.... Crap On My Desktop.

Click anything you deem worthy of seeing in all it's bigness.  Please.  

 
Ahhh... the next one, the gal on the right is Sally from a few years ago.  *sigh*....

A road sign, in the absolute middle of nowhere up by our farm that was desecrated with some of the most creative tagging ever.  It made me laugh like a jackass.

Pardon me while I flash around my "big gun".

We've spent a lot of time in doctor's offices lately it seems.  There's just not a whole lot to do while sitting there in a room all alone... I mean after rifling through all the cabinets and drawers and blowing up latex gloves and stuff.   I got you a picture of a poster.  It's real sophomoric but what the hell eh?  Heinous Anus, that'd make a good band name.

Here kitty kitty...

And finally, 2 chicks that seem prepared.

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Deck The Friggin' Walls With Bowels Of Molly

 Last night Sal and I were home alone, we do our best work then, and decided to throw the tree in the house and hang stuff all over it.  So we did.  I hacked around on it til the bottom looked like it was a leper, with a pair of pruning shears... 'cause they were handy.   Sal started hanging lights on it whilst I scampered off to the kitchen to make some delicious Christmas decorating beverages meant for adults only.

Wanna see some of our prized ornaments?   Heck yeah you do!  I took the job of untangler, and paparazzi fool.

First, a man's ornament.  It's pretty incredible, so life-ded-like in a tiny minature way.  Deer skull with horns.

I've got more!!

The red bird made family famous in a video from 12 years ago.

Oh and you want the video?  Peruse at your leisure.  Jake woulda been about 11 or 12.  I had no gray hair.  It was magic.









Incredible eh?

Two little personalized guitars.  They really play!!! 

No they don't.

I went all apeshit one year and actually made some ornaments.  I almost lost interest before I started, hence they instantly became collectibles because of the limited production.

They're made of gen-u-ine tree wood.  Rare in some parts of the world.

The star of Dave, enhanced with dog chewing.

Santa made from a shotgun shell.. cause we're hillbilly sonofaguns and we love having our Christmas decorations shot right outta the freakin' gun, Bubba.  I dunno what happened to his eye but it gives him kind of an edgy, pissed off Santa look.

And of course the rare and elusive Glitter Gun from a few years ago.  It's front and center.  Damned straight buddy roe!

Lookit Sally in her big ol' Santa hat!!    Cute as a nest of baby coons under the front porch!

And of course the traditional drink of choice and habit and ritual here at Christmas... The Homewrecker.

Cowguy's Homewrecker:

Your standard 12 oz glass, chipped rim optional.
A handful of ice cubes.
Cheap Mexican Coffee Bean Liqueur... 3 big shots
Cheap Brandy, preferably in a plastic bottle... 2 big shots
Top off the the glass with store brand Half and Half.
Stir it with your finger and prepare yourself.  It's like drinking candy.






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