Tuesday, January 18, 2011

How I Almost Fell In Love With A Chinese Girl Named Janet.

Okay so I was wanting a new pickup/pre-amp dual feed setup for my Martin guitar... cause the old one sucks like a carp on your ninny down at the old swimmin' hole.  I got this Fishman Prefix Premium S.O.B. (the actual model name... that kinda kicks ass huh?) all picked out but the dollars were a little steep for my wallet... around $400 bones.  I went to Ebay and did some searching and found about a half dozen of 'em from a seller in China.  Now I've bought a few things direct from China, never had a problem, so I wasn't too concerned with the fact that it was located way over there.... and it was $160 bucks.

Now I'm always a little amused that when I deal with anyone overseas, they plaster themselves with an American name.  "Janet" made me laugh out loud.  The Chengrish emails that Janet and I started exchanging on a daily basis were the highlight of my mornings for almost a month and a half.

I saved all of the emails, I'll give you some highlights.

hi there
thanks for your email for us
since you are interested in this item XXXXXXXXXXX
we 'dlike to offer you $161 inclduing shipping for one set of Fishman.S.O.B preamp byu regsiter mail
any further needs welcome to contact us again

Okay so this is going pretty well so far.  Janet communicates.

hi there,
payment already been received,and we ship it for you into next 24 hours.
please don't worry.
best regards

The "please don't worry" soon became a reoccurring theme in our emails, that always made me smile.  Along about 3 weeks into it, I sent an email a little concerned about where my 160 dollars had gone.  Janet replied back.

hi there,
thanks for you contacting us with the problem. your order was shipped out on Nov-29-10 to this address:
edited out
the tracking number for you to use: XXXXXXXXXXX
please check package: www.usps.com
shipment take about 14 ~ 21 business days for international package. now is also the special time, as the christmas day is coming, there are lots of packages waiting for custom clearance and delivery for the united states america
could you please be more patient and wait for another few days?
your understanding will be much appreciated.

please don't worry.
best regards

You darn tootin, this also special time. lol

So 'bout Jan 3 or 4 I send Janet another email telling her/him that it still ain't here and we need to do something else.  Janet turns things over to "Cherry". 

I'm overwhelmed with mirth.

I am sorry for that.
You need me to resend DHL or EMS?  If yes, you send me USD$22 for splitting shipping
cost. Package arrive to
you in 5 or 8 days.
best regards,

I reply to sweet little Cherry that I'm not sending anymore dough and that they need to take care of the problem.
Janet replies back.  They're tag teaming me like a Mexican Rasslin' match now.

hi there
thanks for your email
sorry for later shipment
now , you need we re-send this SOB for you ?
(LOL re-send this SOB kills me)
please don't be afraid, we start using ebay shippingtool system on 30,December. which have contract EMS, every transaction be automatically produced a barcode address. 
before that, we don't have transaction record on ebay site. 
best regards,

Okay... ol' Janet kinda lost me towards the end there.  But I decided that playing along was best and just let 'em send that SOB to me again. 
Well to make a long story a little shorter, today... January 18th, the first one arrived.  I don't really know what happens to a package that makes it look like this, but I was pretty well laughin my butt off when I saw it.

Awesome eh?

What was amazing is that the fairly delicate electronics looked to be in pretty decent shape... I ain't laying no bets if they work or not.  Before I got hacking a hole in the guitar, I think it might be prudent to wire 'em up and see if everything really works. :-)

Please don't worry....



Scope said...

I called AT&T yesterday about my DSL, and talked to "Michelle".

And I'll be surprised if that SOB doesn't work just fine. After all, it looks like someone sat on the box for about 3 weeks until their new seat cushion arrived.

Cowguy said...

Is that Michelle or Micherre?

If nothing else it's just fun referring to it as "That SOB". :-)

Cora said...

Whoopsie. Looks like some SOB dropped a Boeing 747 on that box of yours there. Yikes.

Scope said...

"Michele" played for "Team Inda".

SkylersDad said...

Please to excuse engrish, only been in country short distance! It should fire right up and play well right up to the point the magic smoke escapes from the device.

Only then please worry.

Gwen said...

As a representative of the US Postal Service I would like to apologize for letting a homeless guy in Baltimore use your package as a pillow for two weeks. We've confiscated the $8.33 he made pandering on Christmas Day and will be happy to send it to you but only if you send us the $9 it will cost to mail it.