Tuesday, January 4, 2011

It's Over. What Happened In The Restroom, and Organ Transplants.

The holidays are over.  Praise baby Jesus.  With everything that took place between Thanksgiving and New Years... holy cats.  Everyone is gone from our place 'cept for me and Sally, it's been a rotation of family, friends, ner' do wells and etc for weeks now.

Last weekend was the last weasel strangled and it was a fun one.  Some of the kids were here, our grand daughter Emma celebrates her birthday on New Years Day so we had a party for her.  Some friends of ours got married on the same day at 1 pm... you know 01.01.11 at 1.  I was the best man and it was a hoot.  Real small service with just close friends and family.  My daughter Nicky did the photog work for 'em and she sent me this today with "This is just disturbing to me... and I think it's illegal to actually grab your junk in church."

Mark and I go waaaaay back and we've kicked a lotta turds around the yard over the years.  I was honored he asked me.

Anyhow with the end of the festivities I'm giving my liver a break.  It's kinda been like "make that bastard fight for the right to live inside this handsome hunk of man". 

It screamed Uncle.

Okay so yesterday, we were in town and I needed to visit the potty.  We were in the local farm and home store and I beelined it back there.  Folks.  I have no idea on earth what had transpired in there before I arrived but it was bad.  How bad?  For want of a better description it smelled like someone had ate a decaying donkey and then carried it around inside of 'em for a week and then shat it all out in one fell swoop.  It was one of the most ghastly things that ever entered my lungs.

I had to go pretty bad.  I stepped back out and looked around on the nearest shelves for something to spray in there... starting fluid, WD-40, livestock spray... anything to mask the odor.  Nothing.  I re-entered the fetidity and gagged.  Back out.  Tearfully I jogged back outta the store.

What the hell makes something that already smells bad... smell like that?  Seriously.  I thought about calling 911 and just having the EMT's frisk every farmer in there to see if one of 'em was the walking dead. 




boromax said...

What a hoot! I mean - multiple hoots - repeating, serial hoots!

Good timing, DustPie. I don't know how you did it, but this post arrived just in the nick of time. Made me laugh hard. You prevented me from adopting unseemly behavior and spouting foulness from da mouf due to some immediately preceding unpleasantness.

But this unpleasantness at least did not smell like overly digested decaying donkey flesh.

The Retired One said...

What a stinky post, but since you have such a way with bullsh*t, I know you handled it well. hahahaa (snort) bwwaaahhahaaaaa

Stacie's Madness said...

you are hilarious...happy new year buddy!

SkylersDad said...

I love your description of giving your liver a break - classic!

Scope said...

I once walked into a bathroom where someone had let loose a blast of diarrhea in the urinal.

Well, mostly in the urinal.

Venom said...

For future foul facilities - grab down one of those pine tree air fresheres, rip all the plastic off of it and hang it from the bill of your cap so that the tree part ends up hanging right over in front of your nose and mouth.
When you're done, give the tree to the cashier and suggest he'll need it while he cleans up the facilities.


ps. Musta been a funny one for to be grabbing your junk in the house of Jesus.