I Swear, I Haven't Quit Blogging... Really.

Lordy... my blog posts have been so few and far between as of late, I'm embarrassed. I've still got one post from the Nashville trip that is picture heavy, hell it's from Halloween. I've just been busy.

Busy.

Busy.

I truly love blogging, but everything else in life has been pulling me in their directions. Work, other work, some music, the need to crash on the couch at night, my re-interest in shooting once again after about 10 years of shooting nothing... and work.

Today we shot another episode of North Missouri Woodworking in my shop, what a blast I have doing that. It's good for business and it seems to be one of the more popular shows on CVTV in our area. Plus... I get to be the big hairy male version of a Diva.

Anyhow kids, I'm coming back... I miss it. I miss all of y'all. Pretty bad. Just gimme a couple of minutes, or days or so. Okey dokey?












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The Bathrooms Are Chaos At 1 AM / Or / Nashville Post #1

Man it's been awhile between blog posts, I've been busy, sick, partied, etc etc. Last Thursday the band loaded up (minus Martina) and headed to Nashville for a long weekend of partying. And boy did we do it. I paid for the night before every single morning, but it was worth it. :-)

We stayed offa the tourist trap stuff, and with a couple of exceptions, just went downtown to the old part of Nashville on Broadway. 20-25 foot wide bars, stacked in tightly down both sides of the street, every single one having a live band churning out everything from Country, Bluegrass, Newgrass, Rock, Classic Rock, Blues... you name it and it was being played there. If you hate country music, you've got no reason to stay away from here. There are no bad musicians. Pretty incredible talent. The bars don't pay the musicians, they give 'em regular gigs there but they play for tips only... and you'll gladly pay up. They play their hearts out.

We hit all the regular spots like Tootsies and such. I spent most of my time in Robert's, Layla's, The Wheel, and The Blue Moon.... and on the sidewalk. The sidewalk is just as great entertainment. Lotsa hookers and panhandlers and just... characters. I LOVED the sidewalk.

We did go to Gibson Guitar and Ronnie and I fondled and played a buncha $4000-$5000 guitars and mandolins.... because we could. Beautiful showroom.







We ate real good while we were traveling. We had a couple of meals at Demos', excellent food, right downtown in N'ville. Met up with Ronnie's cousin Brent and his wife Kathy and son Jake, there. Brent's been in the music business for many years and has done real well for himself... a few Grammys under his belt, etc. Really sweet folks, had us in their home and studio the next afternoon.





From the left side on around the table... Brent, Jake, Kathy, Johnna, David, Jeanne, Louis, Yours Truly, Mary Beth, Ronnie.


Then we hit Broadway once again, Jypsi was playing in at Layla's... whole lotta talent there. 3 sisters and a brother, one sis was missing that evening and I think their drummer was playing guitar in the back.



Yes it was a horrific thing watchin' Amber Dawn fight that little gold dress all night. I toughed it out. Check out a couple of their vids HERE and HERE. Good stuff.

At some point we wandered over to Robert's, this was the night before Halloween so a few drunken patrons passed thru in costume. Hell I dunno, maybe they dress this way down there all the time. If they do... well party freakin on dude!

Some gal dressed as an indian chick hopped the stage during Kawliga being played by Brazilbilly. (lol) Helluva band with a goofy damned name. The guy singing and playing the mini martin is the owner of the bar... and is from Brazil.






My new friend the lil' goth chick at the door...




And my camera being left at the table at times and in the care of others, often got some usuable and deletable pics on it. Someone got a nice tight shot of GC's cleavage. Oh and yes, the underpants matched the bra... such a showoff. Thanks for the pic Mary. LOL




Mary Beth twirled the dance floor with a guy impersonating me... a fake cowdude. The nerve. Awesome set of horns though!







I saw the guy that surely must be the Crown Royal King... 3 piece CR bag suit, complete with crown. And so young to have already achieved such stature in life.





So at one point during that evening I was on the sidewalk watchin the antics of the more drunk than me crowd, havin' a cigar, and an old chick... like 50-60 range, kinda hard to tell... slides in beside me wearing her zebra skin coat and heels. In a voice that was delivered with the raspy deepness that comes from 3 packs a day for 40 years she says "Got a cigarette on you mister?" and because I could have handed out a half truckload of smokes every evening from the panhandlers, I said "nope". She slides in a little closer to me and whisky whispers in my ear, like you'd imagine a 50 year old Army drill Sargent whisper.... "You wanna go party with me baby?" I looked at her, said "Honey, you need to head on down the sidewalk" and she did... and I went to the bathroom to wash my ear out. *shivver*

And while we're there, the bathrooms after about 1 or so, turn chaotic. These are plywood floor bars, the toilets usually have one crapper and one urinal and a sink, and for the crowds there... it aint enough. Add in the "didn't quite make it to the toilet vomit trails and the busted glass and beer bottles in the bathrooms and the "other" stuff... I could see where it could turn into an adventure for a "smaller" guy LOL

I was in The Wheel the last nite (I think it was the wheel) and I went in the john, 2 guys waiting for the urinal, the stall door was shut to the toilet, 2 guys behind me. I rattled the door to the crapper and not 1 but 2 guys yelled that it was in use. I stood there for a minute, looked a the dude behind me and his look of horror... and then... a third male voice from the stall voiced his complaint as well with me disturbing their privacy. To which I replied "WHAT THE F ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN THERE?" which pretty much tore the bathroom up with laughter. I gave it up and went out the back to the bar next door. lol



I'll have more pics and tales the next post from Halloween night.







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Be Patient Little Ones

I'm back from Nashville... a most bodacious, rowdy, drop dead laughing, 3 day party on Broadway there. Now, I'm playing catch up here, I've got a killer cold that has me hacking my lungs wrong side out, and that ain't pretty. I'm promising a set of pictures such as my blog patrons have never seen the likes of. Hordes. Gobs. A Plethora of pics.

Until I get it together, this will have to suffice. This photo best describes my long weekend in Nashville... off the beaten path.







*cough cough*







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Sometimes The Music Makes Me Cry. (A Video)

So our band Keota was playing a gig last Saturday evening and we whipped out a couple of new songs. Just before this video started I tried to explain to the crowd that "sometimes WE are just a half a bubble off with our songwriting" and the rest of the band, in unison... declared that it was "I" who was not quite right.

I take a little pride in that.

I was out in the shop one day working and had the stupid Petticoat Junction song stuck in my head. How, you might ask does this happen. Gamma Rays and laser beams. I'm subjected to 'em all the time and this is what happens. Anyway one thing led to another and I started winging in some other television shows from that era and then sprung it on the band at a practice one evening.

Their reaction? If I remember correctly they sat and stared at me. :-)

But... it (the tune) kinda grows on you a bit I think. The few that have heard it either sit with a silly smile on their faces, or are laughing hysterically the whole time. That's a good thing.

So we whipped this sucker out the other evening, and it came out... uh... kinda loose and sloppy. The first time I watched this video, folks I sat and laughed til I cried. Hoo Boy!

Here it is in the raw, blogging world. "Tuesday Nite TV". Thank you, thank you very much.





Forgive me Jed Clampett.

(here's the URL if the embedding doesn't make it here on Blogger... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxsXABDqrxM )


Going to Nashville with the band for a few days, have a great weekend everyone!!






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Dream Analysis Part 2!!!

Okay so it started with this post and then... the analysis started with THIS post. Today, I'm gonna drop my glasses down on the end of my nose, touch a pen to my lips, put on my "and how do you feel about that" face and finish with the rest of y'all.

Here we go!


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Oh My Goddess wrote wittily...

"I had this dream that someone would use the word cowgina in a post which also referenced Amish Graffiti.

Coincidence? I think not."

Firstly, I wonder about the honesty of actually having a dream such as this, but that's okay because it further allows me to put a little more perspective on the thing. Goddess, your desire to follow the veterinary field is rooted deeply in your heart. The need to help the Amish people with animal husbandry is something you should absolutely follow! Please quit the self denial! There is a huge shortage of female, large animal vets, enroll in veterinary school today!

And yes, you are a very sexual person.

Cowguy, LMNOP, MSG


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Candy from Candy's Daily Dandy spelled out her dream for me...

"I used to dream all the time that my front teeth were falling out. I would shove them back up into my gums, but they kept falling back out.
It would cause me much stress and anguish."


Dear Candy, this may be a little hard for you to grasp, and possibly a little disturbing for you. Move back home to Arkansas. I think you know this in your heart of hearts. End the stress. End the anguish. Just go back home. Your cousins are all waiting for you hon. Don't bother taking your toothbrush. Okay? *pats you on the back*

You know this already, but... you are a very sexual person.

Cowguy, OLLY,OXEN,FREE


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My little blogging friend Susan quipped this horror filled dream on Sawdust and Cowpies...


"Two nights ago I had a dream that the mayor was on my street corner giving his re-election speech.

No one came to watch him so I felt sorry for him and sat on the curb and clapped. All alone. He ignored me and kept reading from his ripped loose leaf paper speech.

My brother works on his campaign. Probably not a good sign??"


Sweet sweet Susan, this dream isn't as deeply rooted as one might first think. You need to see the M.D., That burning sensation... I really hate to say this out in the open like this, but... Well... you need to quit hanging quite so closely with the mayor. It's possible that... I'm so sorry... it might be the clap. Take 2 aspirins and call me in the morning.

Needless to say, you are a very sexual person.

Cowguy, BYOB, 123


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Cora from Love Letters By Cora sent this bit of dream humor...


"Okay, I kid you not, I had a dream where I was on the Titanic. It was sinking (duh) and people were running and screaming and fighting over the life jackets. I wasn't sure which way to run but knew I needed to get moving and fast. I turned around and found myself face to face with Rowan Atkinson. Then Rowan grabbed me, stuck his face between my boobs and motorboated me. When he was done he turned around and ran off into the crowd and I woke up thinking WHAT THE HELL?!

I look forward to your analysis, Dr Cowgina!"


Sometimes even someone as knowledged in dream research as I, Dr. Cowgina, hits a little bump in the road in being able to analyze a dream properly. Never the less, I'll try my hand at this.

You seem to be a very motorboatable little vixen. (forgive me Scope, just professional observations here.) You're easily entertained by rubber facing antics, such as Mr. Atkinson is so famous for, and as such, the motorboating that he could deliver would possibly be the most vigorous motorboating that a girl could hope to be performed up on her. The Titanic reference in your dream is merely the desire for him to sink his face... uh... right in there.

As everyone knows, you are a very sexual person.

Cowguy, DWF, DWI, DOD


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Beth from Must Stamp Alot narrates her dream...

"My husband keeps having this recurring nightmare about working in an ammo reloading facility and getting his finger caught in a reloader machine.


Then there's this one when he was feeding hay to some old guys cows and the net wrap wrapped up in the drive shaft of the truck and caught on fire. I dont know the whole story though...every time he thinks about he gets traumatized!

Help!!"


Beth, that is no dream that needs interpretation. Those are merely things that happened in real life, and will possibly haunt him for the rest of his life. Make sure and tell Phil that I still laugh about them.

You are a very sexual person according to the stories around town.

Cowguy, BRN,GRN,RED


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My long time friend Vicky at LA Quilter relays to me this little tidbit of information about her dreams...


"The only dreams I can remember are the ones I wake up in a cold sweat because someone is chasing me. I'm trying to scream but nothing is coming out. Haven't had one of those in four years. Hmmmm....

Oh, I had one forever about a tornado coming. Guess my life isn't exciting enough."


Vicky, sweet Vicky. I hope this isn't too improper to relay in public, but the analysis of this dream is quite simple. If you hear, in the near future, someone yell "TITTY TWISTER!!!!".... Run. Run for your life, don't bother screaming cause as you know it ain't gonna help. Just run like the wind blows.

You are a very sexual person ma'am.

Cowguy, OBGYN, FBI


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My good friend Jerry, who doesn't have a blog, but should have, tells me this...


"I dreamed that I was in my garden and the gate was open and some weird guy came in and started eating my corn, but he just took a bite and then ripped off another ear. I remember the beans were growing so fast I couldn't keep up with picking them but I wanted to break this weird guy's neck. The garden was blue. All blue. Oh, and Anne was yelling something but she was standing on top of the house. That's all I remember. I hope I didn't break Anne's neck in my sleep!!"


Jerry... my friend. All that acid back in the 60's? Yeah........ Groovy.

Seriously, I loved this dream/flashback. Anne on the roof (with her purse I'm sure) was my favorite part.

As the whole woodworking community knows, you are a very sexual person.

Cowguy, TWW, CJH, BOOBS


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Cynthia from Cynthia: World-Renowned Author told me this...

"I'm driving through an outdoor flea market in an old, vintage, Ford pick-up. My ex-husband (MUCH handsomer than the real version---maybe even with hair on his head---minus the comb-over) gets in and wants to drive...."


Cynthia, sport... It's time to trade in the old Ford truck, possibly for a new sportier version... LIKE THAT ASS YOUR EX HUSBAND DID WHEN HE STARTED HANGING OUT WITH CHEAP WHORES!!! BTW I saw your ex on match.com... I feel your pain.

Though your ex didn't realize it, you're a very sexual person.

Cowguy, STP,POOP,UI


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That girl ~E at *E* Deconstructed penned this onto my blog...

"I'm going to a Seahawks game with a buddy of mine, but before I go I want to take a shower first. The shower stall is like one in a gym but with no doors and no curtain...so I shower but constantly freaking out that someone is gonna walk in and spot me. Finally I finish, and walk out of the shower and all of a sudden I'm a guest at the Oprah show. I'm a figure skater and she has the set all fixed up for me...complete with mini ice rink right in the middle of all the audience members and a crapton of fake fall leaves spread out all over. And I'm throwing a tantrum (at OPRAH) because I can't skate with all these leaves around. I storm out of her building and run smack into a crazy environmentalist lady in front of a huge decrepit, run down house. And she is complaining to me how Oprah should have used real leaves from the ground and not fake ones. Because the fake ones will clog the environment."


Other than telling you that Oprah is Satan, I can't tell you much from what you've given me. I'll be needing pictures of you in the shower to further discern what this dream means. My email address is available from my profile. Okay? Okay.

You are an awesomely sexual person.

Cowguy, ѬѰӤ, ٕۓὧ,₱ᶲټ

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Char, who loves my blog to smithereenies, as you all should... has a blog called CharsToday and tells me this bit of bizzarity...

"I am in a long building and am carrying a 'fickle finger of fate' award (you know, from Laugh In). I come inside the door and the space is so long its like looking into a tunnel and people are at the other end look as though they are miles away. I ask what I am supposed to do. They tell me to go to the other end and show them the award and they would know what to do. I do this and they opened fire with tommy guns and I grab my stomach and feel warm blood rising up and awake when it reaches the back of my throat, I wake up."

Although a bit complicated for me to put into laymans terms, this analysis is simple. You regret not being a Go-Go dancer. You should pursue that career now. If you need help choosing a performers name for your act, please contact me. Those services are available from me as well.

You are a very sexual person.

Cowguy, ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX


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And finally Gwen at Everything I Like Causes Cancer, and being a late bloomer in posting dreams but definitely not a late bloomer according to the Jr. High Football squad, sneaks in this gem....

"I don't generally remember my dreams but the night after you analyzed your own dream, I had a dream about you. I'm serious. All I can remember was that I was visiting you and I was trying really hard not to be a prissy girl about dirt and bugs and farm stuff because I wanted you to like me.

I'm a very sexual person"

Gwen, you're a dirty girl. It's okay. Grasp the concept. Run with it. I like you.

As you already know, you're a very sexual person.

Cowguy, Fresh Out Of Degrees


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Thanks everyone for playing along... what fun!









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Dream Analysis 101

Well... my last blog post I told you if you posted me your latest dream, I... Cowguy, with my cowgina prowness, would anal-yze your mindful meanderings in slumber land.

You overwhelmed me. I think I'll go at this in 2 hitches. Please bear in mind that my findings are not the "end all" of your dream interpretations. But I AM dang smart and I've got a BHD, STD and BBQ in this field so.... here we go!

MrsCravitz is up first with her dream posting...

"Anyway, the last dream I had that I remember, was, I was in the mountains, at this cabin place that was mine, but in real life I did not really live there. Some of my best friends were in the dream, and at the very end, I saw my mother, of whom has been gone for 9 years now. There is a lot more detail, but I won't bore you with the color of the trees, or house or flowers. Yes, I get very detailed in my dreams."

MrsCravitz, a common mistake by dream relayers to the dream analyzer is lack of detail. I need details details details in order to properly surmise what this dream of yours means in totality. With the sparse amount of information though, I can give you this. You have what us cowgina experts like to call the "Grizzly Adams" syndrome. You're fixated on cabins, mountains, most likely wild animals and stuff. Your friends there in your dream are representative of the many many MANY boyfriends you've had in your life that have broken your heart. If the dream had lasted another minute, no doubt Grizzly Adams would have appeared and shot them all. Your mom (God rest her soul) in your dream was just there to watch the carnage that never happened. You're a very sexual person.

Thank you.
Cowguy DDT,PSS,BHD


My next dream analysis guest is Mo Mad Dog Stoneskin... his dream is as follows...

"I'm at MacDonald's with my mate Andy. We're being served and at the front of the queue to our left are two attractive blond girls, identical twins in fact.

As they pay I lean across and display my usual razor-sharp wit. 'You'd think they would offer a special deal for twins, a crazy 'two-for-one' deal wouldn't you?' I joked.

Behind us in the queue were three lads, identical triplets in fact. They caused quite a fuss, accused us of discriminating against those formed from a divided egg or whatever.

The rest of the dream was essentially Andy and I running away from the triplets."


Mo, dear Mo. The guilt you are carrying around from your 5 times a day visits to McDonalds are tearing you apart. It's true. Stop it right now! The clever repartee with the twins was nothing more than a replay of the real life, completely conscious act of sleeping with hookers. Not that that's wrong, but it's coming back to haunt you man. The triplets represent the children you have fathered but not owned up to. Yes... run man, run. Run for your life!!!

You are a very sexual person.

Thank you,
Cowguy, AFLCIO, IUD



Next JenJen wrote...

"I dreamt that I was in a school building and there were shoes on the other side of the door but I couldn't figure out how to get in that room."


JenJen, be honest with yourself. You know what this dream means. I myself rode the short bus as a youngster. I know the pain that you feel from that experience as well. Not being able to figure out how to get your shoes on the other side of the door? You and I both know being the slow kid isn't always a circus. Don't we?

You are a very sexual person.

Thank you,
Cowguy WTF,LOL,RRRR


Staceyjwarner put her dream to paper, or to puter as the case may be here...


"I had a dream that me and this Clint Eastwood type character were sleeping outside near a river. He washed in the stream. It had the feel of a film from the 70's. I was cold so he gave me his t-shirt to wear. It smelled of him. It was old. This guy wasn't homeless. He chose to live this way by the stream fed by melting snow caps...I was in love with him but later in the dream he would push me emotionally away, although it was no longer me."

StaceyJ, you know as well as I that that is ME in your dream. STOP STALKING ME!!! I can't take the pressure anymore. I'm a married man. Yes I exude that cool Clint Eastwood persona, yes I smell of man, but you can't love me. Please, just stop before hearts are broken!!

You are a very sexual person.

Cowguy, DOA,RSVP,XXX


Ahr8tch wrote...

"I had just moved into the area and there was a local issue vote.

When I tried to vote they told me I couldn't because they weren't sure which way I'd vote. They told the guy ahead of me in line he couldn't vote because they knew he'd vote against the issue.

I raised a little hell and they called the local cop.

Suddenly I realized that it was just a power grab by the local politicos.

I shot everybody but the guy in line ahead of me and went back to sleep."


Dear Ahr8tch, I have no clue wtf this dream means but... what an awesome ending!!! Freakin A!!

You are a very sexual person.

Thank you,
Cowguy PDQ,MOM,DAD


And finally for the last one of todays analysis' we've got Sass

Here's Sass' little dream...

"I dreamed that I was driving, and Barack Obama was in the passenger seat. My husband was in the back. Next thing I know, Obama slips his hand inside my bra.

My husband laughed, smiled, and said...now THAT'S an elected official.

I then had a sit-down with michelle obama, who was white. And she told me it was okay, that he does it all the time.

Then I was given a secret entrance into the white house, where I just had to crawl over the blue filing cabinet, past the trash cans, and into the "big office." "


Dear Sass.....


You are a very sexual person.



Thank you,
Cowguy, PU,TCBY,UFO



Stay tuned for the next post where I finish up this highly professional dream analysis! Thanks for the participation and letting me show off some of my little known skills in this field!








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Let ME Analyze Your Dream

I don't dream much... or if I do, I don't remember 'em. I've always been kinda envious of my wife Sal's ability to wake up, tell me in detail (usually bizarre detail) her dream.

I woke up a couple of mornings ago in a panic. That little bit of confusion where you're trying to decipher if that was a dream or if that was real, and then the nice soft comfort when you realize it was just a dream. That's a pretty cool feeling in and of itself. Anyhow... in my dream I walked into my shop, which was all different and in a different location, actually at a place that I lived about 13 years ago, and my tools were all gone. Not only my tools, but EVERYTHING. Someone had stolen every last item in my shop except..... a white washer and dryer combo.

No I do not have a washer/dryer in my shop in real life. Only in my dreams (wistfully!)

Also there was a lot of Latino style graffiti spray painted on my walls. I dunno... if it were Amish graffiti, I'd kinda understand it, 'cause we're crawling with Amish folks 'round here. Latinos? We're a little short on 'em. There's Jose at the mexican restaurant in town, but Jose likes me and wouldn't graffiti up my walls. That's 'bout it.

As I lay in bed I tried to figure out what the meaning of this dream was, and finally was able to decipher it. The missing tools mean that I take what I have for granted and the washer dryer combo showing up just means that I need to clean my shop and quit taking things for granted (once again) and the graffiti means that I need to go see Jose and order the Pollo Bandido.

Now I'm no doctor, no degree in psychiatry, my education... oh Lord. BUT I have had my arm up a cow's vagina (cowgina) on numerous occasions, fetching out calves, so THAT should give me some credibility (although I don't know why. I really just wanted to weave the word "cowgina" into my blog post). Here's what I want you to do...

Your most recent dream you've had (not the dirty ones, unless it involves me), post it down in the comments. I'll pick a few and do my best to analyze 'em for you and kinda set your mind at ease as far as dreaming goes. Okay? Okay.




Dang, I'm kinda proud of that little Photochoppery montage!!









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