Thursday, June 24, 2010

One Bad Ass Lawnmower

  Okay, so my Dad went and got himself a new lawnmower... finally.   Really not much wrong with his old John Deere other than it was old and he'd got a hankering for a new ride, so he shopped.   And he shopped and shopped and shopped until there weren't any mower dealers left in the tri-state area to harass, and decided to buy a Gravely from the new dealer in town.   He was tellin' me 'bout it and all (still shopping at this point) and I told him "Just go buy the biggest damned one they got Dad".   He wasn't quite sold on my sales pitch at this point but it made him think.  My folk's yard is immense, probably 2 acres or more, lotsa trees and bushes and stuff to mow around and the mower he was looking at was a zero turn rig.

  Now let me back up just a touch in my story.  Dad's had several bulldozers over the years, I never took to 'em much mostly 'cause I hated working on 'em all the time.  Everything is big, greasy, unwieldy and ugly to work on on a Cat.  Oh I could run any of 'em just fine, I just didn't.  I figured it was expected of me to be the mechanic for the most part and if I started operating it I'd also be expected to be the operator and I just didn't want any part of it.  

  I had better things to do.

  So as Dad got older this last D-7 Caterpillar kinda languished around the place, just sitting, he wasn't able to climb on the thing and run it for much more than 15 or 20 minutes at a time, but............ he'd get a hankering to hear it run and drive it back and forth and jack around with it and I was the mechanic that usually spent 1/2 to a full day getting pony motor running on the thing and quite frankly, it became a sore spot for me.

  So there it sat.

  Okay back to lawnmowers.   Dad caves in to my logic which is "you've got the money, buy the biggest damned thing they sell and be done with it"... and buys what is quite possibly every man's dream come true in lawn mowing utensils.  

  One bad ass lawnmower.

It's got a freakin' roll bar, for craps sake...

It's got tires fit for Bigfoot.  Manly tires!

It's got 26 horses of Kawasaki, flame throwing, noise belching engine.  The damned thing holds 10 gallons of gas! 

From the back it looks like a cross between a dang Bobcat and a transformer with an erection.

Of course it has a drink holder, seat belts, folding arm rests on the hydraulically cushioned seat and it leaves a trail of testosterone where ever you drive it.

Bad ass, no?

So after he buys the mower he drives straight to our house, giddy as a little kid, Dad is 82, to tell me his story about buying his dream lawnmower.  But in his excitement he abbreviates the story quite a bit which is out of character for him.  It runs in the family.  We get a lot of mileage out of a good story.

Dad : "So I paid 'em for the mower and it was $6999 dollars and told 'em to deliver it and me and your Mom are leaving the dealership and Bud Payne sees us there in the car and pulls in and says "How much you want for your dozer today?"  and Dad says "What are you offering?"  Bud says "I'll write you a check for $7000 for it right now"  Dad says "Need a pen?"

So he's all tickled 'cause he just made $1 dollar on his deal.  I was in tears laughing.

The old bulldozer was worth more than that, but it's gone, I'm happy.  Dad's got a new mower, I cut his grass today with it, it's like a freakin Ferrari.  It'll run something like 11 mph... for real.

Mom told me on the phone when the dozer left on the trailer truck Dad just kinda stood there watching it leave.  Not quite crying but knowing that that phase of his life was over.   THAT makes me sad too, I know there'll be a day when something similar will happen with me and my kids will have to watch me "not quite cry".

Bitchin' mower though, Pops.



Jon said...

Well Ferrari and Cat go nicely together!

Everyday Goddess said...

i might just enjoy mowing the lawn if i had one of those bad ass bitchin mowers.

i like your dad's style!

Jerry said...

OK, Dad bought a new mower and YOU get to mow with it? You're spoiled rotten. LMAO!

Great story, Jace. Humerous AND poignant..... :)

Susan said...

"transformer with an erection." THERE'S a visual. **shakes head to lose image**

Kickin' mower, dude. But when you use it, don't forget to pack yer bacon.


ahr8tch said...

Sometimes karma just WORKS!

The same day he got rid of his old ride he got a bitchin' NEW one!

The Retired One said...

"A transformer with an erection"....hhahaa bwaaahaaaaaa!
That was good, Jace!
Like I tell my hubby when I see a truck where somebody put bad ass huge tires on it: "Big tires, little penis". hahaaaaa

SkylersDad said...

That thing really is bad-ass, and I just love the fact he made exactly one buck!

Scope said...

I love mowing. Kind of like doing demo work (not the "clean up" part, the destruction part). You can see what you've accomplished, and no one really bugs you, because they don't want to take over the job while you open the jar of pickles or whatever.

Sass said...

And now I'm reading this, trying to "not quite cry."

Great story, Jace.

I bet you smiled the whole time you were mowing. ;)

Dr Zibbs said...

That's one sweet ride.