Satan Beware! I've Got A Mowing Machine!!!

I've been out of the hayfield for a few days trying to play catchup in the shop, but thought I'd show you what I'm usually driving when we're putting up hay for the herd for winter feeding.

This is a disc mower...





...and here it is up in transport position. It's got all sorts of spinny knife things that hack the hay off at ground level, letting you drive like a madman creating mayhem in your path. Mayhem is my favorite. I've been a fan for years.







For those of y'all that have put up hay in years past, you're probably more familiar with a sickle bar mower. Good Lord I've done my time on those things. They usually cut pretty good for 58 minutes on any given day and then you bend some guards or knock out a section or the sickle comes loose or you turn it into the brush guard of a 74 Chevy pickup sitting at the end of the field and pretty much ruin everything and just finish out that day drinking beer talking 'bout old girlfriends and such.

Not that THAT has ever happened to me...

Maybe.

These disc mowers... they are pure genius. If you knock a knife off (rare) you just bolt a new one in. Sharpen them every 40 acres or so, mow thru already mown hay... they just keep going.

Us cowguys love these things. If I wasn't already married to Sal, I'd consider marrying a disc mower. The love making sessions might be a little too rough though...

Wait...

So anyhow, the other day I was thinking just how perfect this thing is, and then I noticed the devil warnings on it. Yes. Devil warnings. Egads.







Trying to decipher what this all meant to a man just wanting to mow hay, I slowly made sense of it all. There are ways to hack the devil to pieces, but don't use a disc mower. No, no, no. Choose another venue. The people that invented these have surely done some careful and deliberate research. Although using a spellchecker wasn't part of that research...






Firstly... Do not hack Beelzebub in half with this. Then you've got 2 devils to deal with. On a hot day in the hay field, friend... you DO NOT want that. One is plenty.







Do not cut off the firey red flaming cowboy boot from Hell. I don't know what would happen, it most likely would involve a lot of running though. I'm a shitty runner. I'm a better hobbler, but I'm pretty slow at any rate.







Finally DO NOT cut off the flaming, talon tipped hand from the hoary bowels of Hell. Then as you know, you've got this thing crab walking all over creation like Thing in the Adams family, only with the power to snag your soul and ruin your existence for all eternity.







I pity the research men that had to find all this out in person just to keep me safe.




I'm Jace. I know my warning signs.








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Jennifer And Snandi...

"Vengeance shall be mine!" sayeth the Cowguy.

For the uninformed, 2 gals, ex sister in laws, one in Minnesota, one in Texas... somehow decided to blog together. They've both got a couple of screws loose, but I love 'em to pieces. Jennifer and Sandi (known from here on out as Snandi for afternoon tippling typing that she is wont to do).

I have no clue how this started, but pictures of me started showing up on my Facebook with this damned squirrel a couple of days ago. And then, I actually start to make my blog rounds this morning, a thing I've been missing lately... and here was...


THIS!


See what I mean?


In light of all of this, I realized that we just don't see pics of these two fruitloops around the internets, and there's probably a whole bunch of you that wonder what the heck they look like. Well, I smuggled this pic out of their facebook profiles. It ain't pretty. Brace yourself.


That's Snandi on the left and Jennifer on the right. Shocking eh?







It had to come out sooner or later.








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Ted? Is That You?

Sometimes the internetubuals write my blog posts for me. I thought 'bout titling this one "Irony", but changed my mind at the posting of it 'cause the definition of the word irony didn't really fit the situation. An early morning Googling....








And my Grandma taught me to say nice things 'bout folks, 'specially the ones that couldn't speak up for themselves...

Ted, you were good at drinkin'. RIP.







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Sometimes The Internets Freak Me Out.

I'm pretty well harshed to 'bout anything that I run across on the internets, but once in awhile... I get something sent to me that gets my "recoil in horror" mode up out of standby and running at full speed with the nitrous kicked on.

This is a real product. A real toy... wait, just watch the freakin' video.







Okay. There.

*in my best psychiatrist voice* "And how do you feel about that?"

I'm no prude. I'm a big fan of breastfeeding. Hell I'm a big fan of breasts all over the dang place. I like 'em plenty. But... the little nipple vest that the child slips on, and then sticks little baby weirdo up to it and as Jackie Gleason used to say, "And awaaaay we go!" That just crosses a line for me. If a nursing mom were sitting next to me in public, and had their baby on the boob, naturally I would notice, it's hard not to. But I'd just go back to my magazine or movie or whatever and ignore them.

If a 7 year old girl... or even weirder, but conceivably a possibility, a 7 year old boy sits next to me with this thing suckling... cousin, I'm gonna get up and move.

Lordy.


Gahhh!









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Family Photos Are SOOO Difficult At Our House.

Every single person that is a member of this family is a devout smartass. It's true. We vary a little bit in degrees of smartassedness, but we all possess the little genetic quirk that betrays us (as a family) of projecting forth the facade of a Ward and June Cleaver type of brood.

In all honesty, it's probably a mode of survival that we've thrown ourselves into just to live through all the sarcasm and insanity that is here. But we're really good at it. Every single last one of us. We've even got little ones under 6 in training for smartass. They're doing quite well.


As such, anytime we get most of the brood together, we TRY to get a nice family photo. It almost NEVER works. The camera works pretty good, but the fog of smartass..... well that's a pretty difficult thing to focus through. I just received this pic, among others, from my daughter, in my email this morning. This is from last weekend when 3 out of 4 kids were here, and 3 grandkids.

You really need to click on the pic, just peruse it over. Bear in mind that you cannot pose a picture such as this, greatness as shown here, just happens. Please don't ask what the hell is going on in the picture, 'cause I don't remember... but it's just awesome.













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Will You Marry Me?

Yesterday we shot a couple of my woodworking shows out in the shop here and Tom the regular cameraman was off on another assignment so Martina ended up being the lucky duck to run the show. :-) For the uninformed, Martina is a singer in our band. She's a treasure... gifted with voice and personality and just a beautiful person.

The day before her boyfriend Randy called Sal and a plan came about. Randy was going to ask her to marry him and wanted it to be a total 100 percent surprise, so it was all gonna take place in my shop while we taped the show.

He pulled in our east driveway to keep his car hidden, Sal came out to the shop and handed off a large cardboard box to me (with the ring in it). While she chatted with Martina about lunch I took the ring outta the cardboard box and dropped it into a cool little wooden box that I'd made a couple of years ago for Sally.

Martina never suspected a thing.

Sally almost went overboard with "call me when you guys are about done, I want to come out and video you two for a little bit while you're doing the show". But Martina was in work mode and.... the stage was set.

I called Sal and told her to come on out. She got her video running of Martina and I, and I said "hey let's take a break". I walked over to the box with the ring in it, handed it to Martina and said "This is what I kinda want to do for the next show, what do you think?" She opened it and KABLOOEY! A diamond!

So then it got a little tense. LOL She was confused. I thought "Oh crap she thinks I'm a weirdo", 'cause Randy was dilly dallying outside, waiting ENTIRELY too long to stroll in, but then he did.






Click here if the embedded video doesn't play for you.



Now I'm an old softy and I got all teary, Sal did too. Y'all can get a tissue now too. :-) Totally incredible. Totally.

Randy is 'bout a year and a half out from having his veterinary degree, hence the "vet's assistant" comment.

Sally and I are pretty darn lucky folks to know these 2. We love 'em to pieces and I think they think we're "alright" too. We wish them all the best for the rest of their lives.

Thanks for letting us play a part in this. You're both awesome!






















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Weeeee Haaavvveee A Winner!!! And Then Another Winner!!!

Sally and I got up bright and early this morning, and got dressed for this momentous occasion. She slipped into a slinky black sequined evening gown, complete with some nasty high heels and long black gloves. Me? I pulled on an old pair of cutoffs, a T shirt from 1990 advertising Red Dog beer, a pair of Crocs with no socks.

God we look great together!

Anyhow I tossed the names of all the new followers of S and C into a coffee cup... then I made some more names and made sure I got an empty coffee cup this time and tossed 'em in again. I held the cup high in the air, she waltzed glamorously in a circle around me, one hand on her hip, and dramatically drew a piece of paper from my Wolverine coffee cup.

I nearly fainted from all the excitement.

And the winner of the Sawdust and Cowpies "Follow This" contest is............




SBROWN, who happens to be the newest follower as well.


Now I haven't contacted SBrown as of yet to tell her of her glorious winning, she will be featured in a blog post right here in just a few short days. I don't rightly know if she's got a blog, but she's gonna wish she had one.

SBrown... I'm gonna have my way with you, but in a nice way. heh heh.





Alrighty our other winner from Sass' Keota CD Giveaway is The Retired One. I like this gal. Always has something positive to say and just cute as a button... lookie...





... I told you so. Don't you wanna just adopt her or something? Anyhow she's getting a copy of Keota's CD "Salute" sent out to her this morning. Thanks Sass and thanks TRO!




Okay, shooting 2 new woodworking show segments TODAY, I gotta git!











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ATTENTION EVERYONE!

Just so you know...







Okay, Monday we're picking a winner....






... from all the new followers of Sawdust and Cowpies, so get on the list, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, if you wanna chance at being featured in a S and C blog post. I wanna have my way with you, baby!


Have an awesome weekend folks!








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It Was An Experiment In Tenderness

We're going great guns in the hayfields right now, probably have ran over 500 acres or more of hay so far with quite a bit left to go.

I usually run a mower, which obviously puts me being the first guy over the field. After the mower, the hay lays in the field for a day or two, depending on the denseness of the hay, the weather, ground moisture, wind... yada yada. Then we run a machine over it called a tedder. This is just a machine pulled by a tractor that stirs the hay, brings the wet hay up from the ground and fluffs it all up on top. After it lays for a few hours, depending on the weather once again, we pull a huge V rake over it. This rolls the hay into large windrows, fluffs it up once again, and has it ready to run it through the baler. Then... the baler, pulled by a tractor, gathers up the windrow of hay, winds it into a bale weighing about 1500 pounds, wraps it in net wrap, and kicks it out.

Ta Da!

The Experiment.

About a week ago I was mowing hay and growing out in the field was clump of weeds that's not too common in this part of Missouri, called Prairie Blazing Star. The tall purple blooms on these things are pretty spectacular when they're at their peak.





(that's a picture I snagged offa the intertubes... didn't have my camera with me at the time)


Anyhow, I kept mowing closer to the Blazing Stars and when I got to 'em... I decided to just mow around 'em. All four sides. I made a definite effort to kinda "trim around 'em" a bit.

And then I said nothing to no one about 'em... 'cause I just wanted to see if the next 3 guys, all fairly rough and calloused farmers, pulling the tedder, the rake, and the baler would do likewise, seeing the beauty of these brilliant purple flowers still standing in the middle of a mown hayfield.

I finished up a field yesterday evening and drove over to the field with the blazing stars, with my camera this time. Now a week has gone by, and the blooms have about half fallen off of them... and someone did get a little close, probably with the rake, and snagged it just a little bit, but... everyone of those tough guys that followed me showed a little tendernous, and drove around this clump of purple beauty that stood there, when it would have been much easier just to keep driving straight ahead.





Pretty cool eh?



In other news, my little buddy Sass over at Are You Sassified got so damned giddy with a Keota CD that I sent her, she blogged it up... then is giving away ANOTHER ONE. She's gonna drive the band to bankruptcy I tell you. Sass is one very VERY talented girl with a keyboard and a brain. She's reduced me to giggles and brought me to tears with her writing. Go check her out.

Thanks Sass, you're pretty awesome!





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Crap That's On My Desktop II

The desktop of my laptop is the catchall for everything that I think I need to save that I run across on the interwebs. I hoard. The last time I played show and tell with the mess on my desktop, the voyeur in y'all seemed to kinda like perusing through my rubbish. So... there's part two of this wonderful wonderful mess of shit in no particular order of orderness.







Our kids...



Not our kids...




Little beerhound...






















Ah yes... spurs, romance... sigh.





Mmmmm SPICY!











Awwww Roxie when she was brand spanky new...










Well. That was fun!








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I've Got A Fungus Twice As Big As My Head!

Yesterday evening I came in from the hayfield and glanced out the living room window and noticed something stuck on the side of the giant maple tree on the West side of our house, I couldn't really figure out what the hell I was seeing so I went out there with my antique digital cramera. (Crameras are much better than cameras... more features) Anyway this is what I saw... up on the side of the tree about 9 feet up, growing out of a knot... this enormous fungus/mushroom thing. It's gotta be like 16 inches across or more. It's HUGE.







Here. Here's a pic back aways from it some so you got some scale.






Pretty weird eh? I don't know nuthin' 'bout fungi, so I can't really name it or nothing... but I CAN tell you this... it get's weirder.

As I was taking the pictures off the camera, I noticed something in one of the shots... I zoomed in, tweaked it a touch and this is what I saw.















Yeah... now if that ain't Abe Freakin' Vigoda's face right there on my tree fungus, I'll kiss your butt for a month of Sundays cousin. I've got a message in to the National Enquirer right now.


Hey... it can't always be Jesus or Elvis. Sometimes you get Abe.









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Here's A Tip!

So we were playing one of those gigs last Tuesday night... that won't be forgot. Holy smokes, was it an epic event! I don't think I've laughed as hard while playing... well, ever. The owner of the joint that we were playing stopped me when we were done and said "We ARE doing this next year on this exact same day again!"

You like hearing stuff like that.

It was hot as hell, everyone in the band was drenched... but SO worth it. Sal couldn't stop laughing all the way home.


Anyway 'bout halfway through our second set, a pretty well ruined bar patron staggered up to me and did a whiskey whisper directly in my face... "Can you plaaaaahhy Your Cheatin Hearrrrrt?"

As soon as I regained oxygen in my lungs I told Prince Charming that we didn't do that song.

He said "Cannn you just do ANYTHING Hannnnnk Sr." I said "You bet your ass man". And then real coy like he slips a wadded up bill in my hand and gives me a knowing smile.

So now I'm thinking, heck, this guy is alright. I say into the mic we're gonna do a Hank Sr. song for old money bags over there holding that wall up... I pull the wadded bill outta my pocket to wave in front of Martina's face, and then I noticed the enormous amount of money that had been shoved in my paw...






Eh well... I screwed the song up. :-)







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Forgive Me, For I Am A Slug.

Man... it's been a constant whirlwind of "stuff" here lately. Between work in the shop, the new CD coming out, trying to get hay done in the field, and on and on... Sawdust and Cowpies has suffered from neglect, as have you my readers. And my regular route of bloggers that I look forward to reading each day, I ain't had time.

But I will.

The hillarity in my life has in no way ran out. Good Lord, it's accelerated. I'll bring y'all up to speed SOON! ;-)






















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Finally! Keota's New CD Is Out!

Well, it's done. I'm almost giddy. Hell I AM giddy! Giddy giddy giddy giddy.

Giddy.

After LOTS of long long hours of recording over the course of several days and nights, and several more hours of mixing. (Bob Davis Recording, who recorded and mixed this album for us has the patience of Job, and studio skills unknown to mortal men.) Then literally months of legal insanity getting the mechanical licensing purchased on 9 of the 12 songs... AND THEN (lol) about 2 1/2 days of Sally, the graphic arts genius, designing and manipulating all of the cover and CD artwork... *deep breath* IT'S FOR SALE!






"Saluté" Is performed entirely by us, no outside musicians or vocalists. 100 percent Keota! 3 of the songs are originals, 2 written by Mary Beth (I am your daughter and Barrel 3) and one written by me (Living like I do). If you're dying to hear my bird like singing voice, I do the vocals on Living Like I Do, Wagon Wheel, and Cherokee Boogie. It's a major fun album, it truly is. From Wagon Wheel, (when we perform it live we get "backup singers" from the audience) to Martina pouring everything into Broken Wing to the ending of Cherokee Boogie (where you WILL smile)... it's pure Keota.

Our style of music is "Americana". A fairly new categorized genre, that is very eclectic. It's not folk, it's not rock, it's not country, it's not bluegrass, it sure as hell ain't classical or jazz... it's... Americana.

We've got 'em up for sale on our website www.keotamusic.com ... $15 bucks plus a buck fifty for postage, all major credit cards, paypal and all that jazz works. If you're local here, contact any of the band members or me and we'll get y'all hooked up. If you wanna mail me a check, contact me thru email at contact@keotamusic.com and I'll get a mailing address back to you.

Thanks in advance friends!



I guarantee you'll be grinnin'.





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