Sunday, August 30, 2009

Satan Beware! I've Got A Mowing Machine!!!

I've been out of the hayfield for a few days trying to play catchup in the shop, but thought I'd show you what I'm usually driving when we're putting up hay for the herd for winter feeding.

This is a disc mower...





...and here it is up in transport position. It's got all sorts of spinny knife things that hack the hay off at ground level, letting you drive like a madman creating mayhem in your path. Mayhem is my favorite. I've been a fan for years.







For those of y'all that have put up hay in years past, you're probably more familiar with a sickle bar mower. Good Lord I've done my time on those things. They usually cut pretty good for 58 minutes on any given day and then you bend some guards or knock out a section or the sickle comes loose or you turn it into the brush guard of a 74 Chevy pickup sitting at the end of the field and pretty much ruin everything and just finish out that day drinking beer talking 'bout old girlfriends and such.

Not that THAT has ever happened to me...

Maybe.

These disc mowers... they are pure genius. If you knock a knife off (rare) you just bolt a new one in. Sharpen them every 40 acres or so, mow thru already mown hay... they just keep going.

Us cowguys love these things. If I wasn't already married to Sal, I'd consider marrying a disc mower. The love making sessions might be a little too rough though...

Wait...

So anyhow, the other day I was thinking just how perfect this thing is, and then I noticed the devil warnings on it. Yes. Devil warnings. Egads.







Trying to decipher what this all meant to a man just wanting to mow hay, I slowly made sense of it all. There are ways to hack the devil to pieces, but don't use a disc mower. No, no, no. Choose another venue. The people that invented these have surely done some careful and deliberate research. Although using a spellchecker wasn't part of that research...






Firstly... Do not hack Beelzebub in half with this. Then you've got 2 devils to deal with. On a hot day in the hay field, friend... you DO NOT want that. One is plenty.







Do not cut off the firey red flaming cowboy boot from Hell. I don't know what would happen, it most likely would involve a lot of running though. I'm a shitty runner. I'm a better hobbler, but I'm pretty slow at any rate.







Finally DO NOT cut off the flaming, talon tipped hand from the hoary bowels of Hell. Then as you know, you've got this thing crab walking all over creation like Thing in the Adams family, only with the power to snag your soul and ruin your existence for all eternity.







I pity the research men that had to find all this out in person just to keep me safe.




I'm Jace. I know my warning signs.








.

11 comments:

Scope said...

I was just thinking about your new fangled disc mover vs. the old sickle bar mower when you mentioned it.

SkylersDad said...

Those warning signs look like something out of Japan, poorly dubbed at that!

Sass said...

Wait a minute...

You finished the day drinking beer and talking about old girlfriends...

Yet somehow...this new-fangled machine is superior?

You got your priorities all screwed up, my friend.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Kinda makes mom's warnings about "poking someone's eye out" a moot point.

Alycia said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Cora said...

Portective. Ha ha! Classic!

My daughter's elementary school once handed out misspelled prize ribbons at the science fair. They said "exepmarlary"

*snicker*

But that's probably not as bad as when my high school advertised the upcoming "spellign bee"

No I'm not making that up.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Wow, Krone! You know your implements! Now you need one of those new Krone Vario Pack 1800 Balers :)

Just sayin'


HAPPY MONKEY MONDAY!

- Jennifer

Jerry said...

I think you could walk into a totally empty room and find something hilarious to write about. Amazing.

Made my day. LMAO! :)

Gwen said...

I agree with Sass. Maybe that's why my dad would never let me operate the machinery.

Ms. Case said...

OMG...I would never be able to come within 10 feet of one of those things after seeing signs like that! I grew up in the country with lots of farms driving very large and scary looking machines, hope they all still have there toes and fingers!

The Retired One said...

WHAT????
Where is the NO TEXTING sign? Some goof is going to be riding it along and texting at the same time and run over a small animal or child and make coleslaw out of them.
Yikes!