Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Take A Look At THESE Balls!!!!

I'm a sucker for the 1 dollar aisle. Any store. Doesn't matter. I'm there. It's always pretty good entertainment, seeing what products have been demoralized and denigrated to only being able to be placed... on the 1 dollar aisle. AND, I don't just look, I buy too! A few days ago in the grocery store that we frequent I was in the 1 dollar aisle checking out the "Sardinos" and 2 roll packages of what most likely had to have been the most abrasive toilet paper on the face of the earth. (I love my butt too much to do that to it, and you should protect and defend yours as well) Then... THEN I spotted this prize!





FIREBALLS!!! "Red hot cheese flavored balls" Made by that oh so well known snack food company, Brims. As in burn the lining out of your mouth and shed the skin offa your tongue like a snake... Satan's firey brimstone.

I tossed 'em in the cart. Sally looked at the can without touching it and just said... "Fireballs". Yes. Fireballs, those are mine. I could scarcely wait to get home to further examine and taste my hellish prize. But I did, and here they are.

Gaze upon my red hot balls as I hold them in my hand. Cheesy and fire goodness literally exuding into your home through the miracle of internetal osmosis... just looking at them. No. These are my balls. Get your own!





Wait! What's this?





Biblical scripture from Psalms on the side of the can? Yes, I'll be needing that soon, and some Mylanta. Second guessing myself, the 1 dollar aisle toilet paper might have been a wiser purchase.

I rolled the can around, just a tad curious at the health food factor possibly residing inside each portion of hot cheesy fate. Disappointed, I was not...




Let me read that outload to you. "150 calories per serving (not bad so far) 80 of those calories... fat" SCORE!!!

Nearing the bottom of the can I happened to peer inside and it startled me enough that I sucked my breath in... and some cheese ball dust which nearly choked me 9/10ths to death... this is what I saw.





That's a little frightening, no? I'm gonna need to read that scripture again after laying eyes on that hellish glow inside the can of purported snack food.

In the end? Yeah it was worth a buck. They tasted like crap, removed any sense of taste I had for about 8 hours and I was still burping them the next morning, but then hey... you don't get much for a buck.










.

15 comments:

Jerry said...

Anything you can burp the next porning is worth a buck. That last shot told it all. Looks like a tube shooting straight to hell. The epitome of irony, what with the scripture and all..... :)

WowsRose said...

Jerry said porning...heh heh heh

Ikle.Kaiy said...

Rolling on the floor Wetting self laughing.. Brilliant entry... GOLD cup for this entry....... 10 out of 10 you may pass go and collect $200 lol.... my land lady read it with me... she had a good giggle too

*also giggles at the new word "porning* STOLEN my word of the night now!!!!!!!!

Sassy Britches said...

Here's hoping someone gave enough glory to the Lord that he shows you some mercy, as per the quote.

Sassy Britches said...

And that's MY Truth. Pttttthttt.

Char said...

I just can't make myself buy the stuff in those isles. Don't know why, creeps me out. How do you ever know how it ended up there?
*creeping self out here*

xoxo

SkylersDad said...

Why is that SNL skit about balls going through my mind now?
http://www.idkwtf.com/videos/latest-videos/schweaty-balls-snl-skit

Scope said...

Tarnation! I ain't seen fire balls like that since the time I was not as careful with the Icy/Hot as I should have been.

The Retired One said...

I am sure there are a few gals out there that would pay a buck to see your red hot balls.
Did I just really type that???

~Beth said...

But Hooray! They're made in the USA!!

Gwen said...

Fire Ballz. *snort*

I have to ask . . . were they as hot coming out as they were going in? Was it a funny color? Inquiring minds want to know.

Michael in AZ said...

I think you were just looking for a reason to post about balls.

Porning,

In the infinitive case, it is "to porn"

Definition: To watch porn

Kim said...

Hey Jace! I just stopped by to check out your balls and see what you'd been up to lately. And of course you've been up to no good, as usual! Carry on.

Greenmare said...

Jace that is even braver than the surgery with no anestesia! What is WRONG with you man???

Stacie's Madness said...

those look like some hot balls you have...wait, that doesn't sound right...