Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Oh Crocs... Oh Crocs

Burdened by feet heavy laden,
sore and aching, they be betraying.
Encumbered by years of self destruction,
at midlife they stutter and falter to function.

"friends" they tell me about a shoe,
a shoe that will make my feet anew.
A shoe that's ugly as a platypus ass,
but it's healthy and simple and all of that jazz.

A quest I took with my maiden fair,
to find these wonders... exempulaire.
I just made up that last word,
to take my mind off of these shoes of turd.

We drove to the city where these shoes are sold,
I strode into the store so masculine and bold.
I perused the rack where they were displayed...
My God they are ugly, I was a bit dismayed.

I tried a pair on right there in the store,
nervously looking 'round like I was buying porn.
We strode to the counter, my manhood still intact,
I paid for my purchase and quickly made tracks.

So here I sit my puter on my lap,
feeling a bit like a wussy old sap.
Shoes of rubber upon my square feet,
Humbled to hell, my masculinity beat.

It's all fun and games until you buy a pair of these and actually wear them. Might was well throw dirt on me now and get me used to the idea... velcro shoes are next and then death.

...yes my feet feel better today. Amazing.




Marilyn said...

Jace - ugly yes, but are they ever comfortable. I have been wearing the clogs in the winter for the past few years. And, dh & I both wear sandals made by Croc. The most comfortable shoe I have ever worn!

Marilyn (IQuiltToo)

Scope said...

Think of them like a multi-tool. Useful, but not the rigt solution to every problem.

Running out to the mailbox? Yeah.

Running out to the barn where every rusty nail in a 4 county area is gunning for your sole? Probably not.

I have a simmilar pair that I slip on for quick trips out, but I don't really wear them more than a mile from home.

Sass said...

Say it ain't so, cowguy.

I am very saddened by this news. I believe you'll need to fold over a corner on your man card. ;)



mo.stoneskin said...

The platypus actually has a fine ass, so I've been told.

Stacie's Madness said...

awe, they aren't THAT bad looking...and we forgive you.

I actually love my crocs, best, most comfortable shoes, ever!

Cora said...

Oh c'mon, they're not that bad. I was expecting something waaaayyyyy worse than crocs (as you know from my comment on facebook. Heh heh heh.)

rebelsrider said...

Well, aren't you just the witty poet?!? This one I HAVE to share with my friends!

Gwen said...

You can't argue with feet that no longer hurt, even if they are in Crocs. I'm sure you are still ALL MAN in Sal's eyes and that's what counts.

Jerry said...

Just smiling here is all..... :)

Nice to see you back, comfy feet and all.

Sassy Britches said...

It's all in the PERSPECTIVE, Cowguy! A man who can wear Crocs and be proud, is a man indeed!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

When your feet hurt, everything hurts. I love my Crocs. Mine are red with little cow buttons on them.


Matt Dunlap said...

LOL, now I've seen it all. A woman where I work at must have at least 30 pairs of Crocs all different colors. She "color-coordinates".

Never have I ever seen a guy wear Crocs before! At least you didn't get the Lime-Green colored ones.

Tracy Griffin - Artist said...

I have my Mary Jane's on RIGHT NOW! And last night I saw two other people on my bus wearing the croc.

Stilletos be damned! Pass me the rubber shoes any dang day! I'm not proud!

~E said...

I refuse to succumb to comfortable shoes!! NEVER! Hand me, my 4inch heels anyday.

But then again, this comes from a person who regularly slathers her face with chemicals and paint then takes videos of her doing it for fun. so what do I know?

Greenmare said...

oh sad. very sad. give me my 14 year old birkies any day over those sad little- did I say LITTL?? crocs! next you'll be convincing them to make them in cowguy boot style! Lord Iprobably have something there and now I won't even make any money on the idea.