Sunday, July 27, 2008

Vicky Goes To The Hardware Store.... OR... A Tale Of 2 Darrells.

A couple of years ago a dear friend of ours out in California got a pair of pretty nice pieces that I'd built, a wall cabinet and a matching mini quilt holder/shelf. I got 'em packaged up and shipped out to her. I had some particular screws that I wanted her to put the pieces up with...but... I forgot to put them in with the shipment. The screws would show to a certain degree and I wanted those particular screws to be used.

Here's the history of this whole little saga. (with Vicky's permission of course)


The first email from Vicky:

J. and J. came over for dinner yesterday, and J. took a look at the cabinet and hanger, and he's going to come back next weekend to get them up for me.

Could you tell me what I need to get to hang those? He said he could pick stuff up, but he'd rather know what you recommend.

I'm so excited about getting these up! They're absolutely perfect!

This is when I realized that I'd forgotten to package the screws with the furniture. My reply:

Ack! I meant to send screws with it.

Okay, the screws are gonna show but that's part of the look, they'll go thru the upper back of both the quilt hanger and the cabinet. 2 to 4 screws (depending on how much shakin you get out there) will do each piece. You need to go to a GOOD hardware store and ask for " number 10 by 2 inch brass wood screws with round heads and slotted". That'll look like "#10x2"rh-slot wood" on the package or something there 'bouts. 1 1/2" ones might do it, that'll be J's call as I don't know what he's got to run it into in your wall. The slotted part is gonna be the hard part to find and that's why you'll need to go to an old time hardware store. Philips headed screws just look hokey on pieces like this, that's why I like the older slotted style (I'm hardware anal, by the way... LOL) and the brass will age to a nice brown in a year or so to blend in with the wood.

J will hafta free drill the wood so that the screws fit the wood loosely and then if you're not gonna hit studs in the walls, he'll have to pick up some good sheetrock screw anchors to run the screws into. I'm sure he'll know what to get there, there's lots available and everyone has a favourite type.

Here's what the screws will look like...

And here's how they're measured, this one happens to be a #10x 1 1/2"

Love you too Vicky, make sure and get "after" pics!


That last email is what Vicky took with her to the hardware store and whooped out on the ol boys there. lol

That evening I got this email back from her describing her trip to fetch some screws....


First, let me preface this by saying that no one in the whole of LA County knew where there was an old timey hardware store. So I paged in our maintenance man, and he said, "Vicky, just go over to ****'s." In our itty bitty work town of ********, there's this really old, creakity hardware store that I forget about. They're probably the only store in the world who still has a handwritten charge ledger sheet. Our company bills runs usually between $2 and $15 a month - and they still let us charge there! But the reason we even keep an account open with them is becuase they invite us to their Christmas party every year for cupcakes and coffee! LOL

Anyway, I digress.

So I head over to ****'s a while ago at lunch. I walk in this place and I'm totally overwhelmed always. It's so packed and "junky" -- well, that's probably how you guys like things in that sort of store.

So I wait my turn, and in my best professional voice, I proceed to tell a guy who is undoubtedly the dullest person I've met in a long time what I needed. I repeat it four times. Then finally some other guy comes out from the bowels of the building and asks if he can help. So instead of trying to tell the story again - just in case these are "Dumb and Dumber," I just pull out your email that I had printed (pictures and all) and handed it to him. He reads the whole thing, right down to the ILY part -- and then asks me if he can go show this to Bob or somebody who's in the back. Before I could answer, off he goes with your PM. I hear them talking about it. I'm thinking they're discussing whether they have the screws.

So then Bob comes out, and also had Darrell, Darrell and his other brother Darrell. They were passing your PM around and in ernest discussion about it amongst themselves. Okay. I've been in there for 15 minutes now. So I ask if they have the screws.

Honest to Pete -- the other brother Darrell says, "This letter is neat. How did you do this?" I said, "Do what?" "How do you get a letter off that computer thing with a picture on it?"

Heck, Jace, I can barely describe the screws I needed -- I sure wasn't gonna get into a Bill Gates discussion with these guys on the workings of the internet.

So I just said, in a rather irritated voice now, "Do you have these screws or not?"

"Oh, yeah, we have them. We forgot that's why you came in!" (Would it have been too obvious to say "Duh!" here?)

20 minutes later I walked out with every number 10 by 2 inch brass wood screws with round heads and slotted! Seriously, all 12 of them. Don't know if I'll ever need these again, but I've sure as heck got them now.

Hey, I'm starting a screw stash!!!

I love you! Thanks for the PM. It was a HUGE hit in *********!!


So there you go, Vicky got the hardware she needed, the Darrells were astounded with technology, and I got a laugh out of it... and you probably did too. :-)



Vicky said...

I'm still roflol'g every time I remember that shopping spree! Thanks for preserving the story, Jace! Now I know how you guys feel in a quilt shop! ILY

gracie said...

LOL! I remember that story ;)

Jerry said...

Every time you tell a story it reminds me of some sorta interesting or scary thing that happened to me.

Not this time. !??! LOL!!

As always, well worth the read and definitely good for a serious laugh. :) :)

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Funny stuff!!!