Monday, September 22, 2008

A Castrating We Go... A Castrating We Go... Hi Ho The Dairy Oh...

No... no... no.... it was calf working day today. Last set of vaccinations for the calves, castrating for the bull calves, doctoring a few old cows with ailments and dodging one particularly belligerent old rip not once but 3 times, over the course of the day.

I deal with a lot of sarcasm from my vet's assistant. We've known each other since waaaay back and he continually brings up the time that (according to him) I tried to throw him off a gate he had climbed up to escape a psycho killer cow with murder in her soul. The fact of the matter is, this happened so many years ago it's like a moot point... BUT... as he had climbed the only climbable thing in the near proximity of Charlie Manson's cow... and I had doubled back around this cow with my hand on her forehead so many times I was starting to get winded and dizzy, I had grabbed the end of the gate that Jason was standing on top of and hung on to him so he wouldn't be thrown to his death, as I swung the gate. I got around the gate, hung on to Jason as C.M's cow plowed the gate about 3 or 4 times.

I swear... save someone's life and you live with "Let me tell you 'bout the time Jace tried to throw me to killer cow."


Anyway the psycho cow of today had made a halfhearted charge at me... but enough of an attempt on my well being that I was keeping an eye on her in the sorting pen I was in. Then she made a real honest to gosh good run, I flung my self up a gate and she tagged me a bit on my feet. I'd pretty much lost interest in sharing space with her and was trying to figure out how the hell to just get her on down the chute and out to the "sell pen" without bloodshed. Meanwhile the alleyway to the vet's chute had grown empty of calves to work on while I was thinking this whole mess out and the cow just stood and throwed dirt. Jason, the vet's assistant started chanting "Anytime Jace. We sure could use some calves to work on! Could you pick up the pace a bit?"


We exhanged salutes and I swung a gate, the killer cow stepped through it, I got in the alley way as human bait... she gave it a pretty good effort, I sidestepped, shut a gate... and out she went. Ha! I win! Totally intact of all my human parts in fairly pristine condition too!

She'll be well on her way to McDonaldland, appearing in a Happy Meal... possibly near you, this time next week.



Jerry said...

I'll be looking for her, Jace. Since Anne's gone I'll have more than a fair chance of running into her. :)

Jennifer and Sandi said...

On the look out for one mean "Biggy Number One"

- Jennifer

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Quarter pounder with cheese, please!


Reenie said...

Awwwww, man. We city girls don't cotten to too much real life. Ya mean to tell me hamburgers come from cows. Jesus, Joseph & Mary. Awwwww, man... and we have a Sonic about to open up here. Hey? You didn't mention anything about Sonic. Whew.

Love your comedic timing - hard to do and you have it nailed!