Sunday, October 26, 2008

Arrrhhhhhggggggggg! MY EYES!!!

We've all had something happen in our presence, and have seen "something" that we wish we just hadn't seen. Have mercy... 'cause this could be an endless list, and because of the sensitive nature of things, I'm not gonna go into great detail on a large number of these occurrences. But increasingly, these things seem to keep happening when M. and I are somewhere together.

A short time back the band is playing at a deal and M. and I are hanging out backstage while the other band is playing onstage. It was kind of an odd setup backstage with a couple of dressing rooms and standing space behind the stage... but no bathrooms. To go to the bathroom you either had to walk through the audience from a front stage door, or... go out a backstage door, walk all the way around the building, come in the front door and ta da. M. decides to walk out the backstage door to warm up her voice a little and is greeted by a certain someone (whom will remain nameless to protect the urinator)in this weedy, vacant, back lot... pointed in the direction of the back door... taking a leak, as it were.

I look up to a wild eyed and animated M. coming to a sliding stop in front of me, miming what she has just seen... and a VERY good job of charades too! I had a full understanding of what had just happened in mere seconds and we're both reduced to tears in short order.

Then the nameless urinator strolls in with a "cat that ate the canary" look on his face and the laughter starts all over again.

Side note to the public pee'r if he happens to read this: We love you man! You're a memory maker.

So then, just a few days ago, M. and I are standing in line at a thing and she elbows me and says "Jace..." and nods in the direction of largish young woman, hunkered down on the floor looking at something on a low shelf.

Before I go further, I want to say this. All fashions are not for all people. A tight fitting, midriff showing shirt... should not be worn by women over 50, dare I say 60 years of age, nor should they be worn by the fairer sex when there's enough buckle muffin hanging out the front to make it look like she's shoplifting a cantelope out of the produce section of the store.

I'm a pretty good sized guy, and I KNOW my fashion limitations. It's easy enough for me to figure it out. I own a mirror. I've looked in it. I understand what I shouldn't wear out in public. My wife Sal always looks just awesome when she's out, SHE knows what should and shouldn't be hung on her frame.

I'm guessing that about 10 to 15 percent of the population cannot grasp this concept, just going on what I see when I'm out in a crowd.

So back to M. elbowing me and that scene.

When I look, there is a pair of hip hugger, low rise jeans, at half mast... obviously in mourning over the loss of hipbones, with 'bout 2 acres of plumber butt showing... and a pink thong stretched alllllll the way across the whole mess, and the vertical portion extending into the nether regions of her nether regions. I can imagine that if that young woman had broke wind at that moment it would have struck a note 2 octaves above middle C on that vertical section.

My comment. "Looks like a pink bandaid stretched across the Grand Canyon".


It's getting to the point now that I can't wait to see what's next!

On another topic, take a peek at my daughter's blog. What an amazing blog post completely from her heart. I'm real proud of her. Incredible insight and transcribed from her mind to print in detailed perfection.



Sarah J. said...

Hi Cow Guy! Thanks for the comment. I enjoy reading yours and your daughter's blogs!

Lindah said...

I absolutely agree with you re: daughter's blog post. Excellent!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I read her blog yesterday and all I can say is "AWESOME"!!! Very talented young lady.


Anonymous said...

OK Jace, right you are, and that little story brought tears to my eyes. Would have had milk out the nose if I had been drinking it. ShaneG (WWL)

Judy said...

What an appropriate writing for what happened to me yesterday. Came home from work to find an Amazon box on my doorstop. Now, I know I am getting quite forgetful about many things (call my dog my grandson's name, my grandson by my dog's name and then wonder why my grandson comes for dog treats and my dog won't take out the trash, but I digress). Several hours later I tripped over the box in the hallway and remembered I had to open it. No glasses on so between my grandson and I read the note attached to the most beautiful picture frame I ever did see. However, upon lifting the note to reveal the full frame, I burst into laughter. My grandson said it best, "Happy Halloween." I laughed all night! Thank you SOOOO much -- it will have a place of honor on my wall! You're the best! And a bundle of laughs, too!

Judy said...

I messed up - I meant to say Now, I know I am getting quite forgetful about many things, but I definitely couldn't remember ordering anything from Amazon. (I get side tracked on my side tracks sometimes)

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Hey, I resemble those tight fitting, midriff showing shirt, should not be worn by women over 50remarks.

Oh wait.....I'm not Fifty YET!!! So I guess I'll carry on!

- Jennifer

Reenie said...

Shoot, I'm at the age, I wear a bra so I won't trip. No telling what would happen if I tried to put on a pink bandaid.

(Jace, you are too kind to stop by my place. I used to write funny, too - not as funny as you though. :) But ever since I made the commitment to 365 Envisage, my posts have become pretty ho-hum. You've inspired me to let the muse run wild every so often. Creating laughter is so much fun - and you have the gift!)

Reenie said...

The next morning, first cup of coffee:

Jace, I just saw your list of blog buds. Again, you are too kind. What a guy! I better get to work and sharpen up my wit if you're sending people over to my place - want to be presentable if company comes calling.

Jerry said...

Aaaackkkkk!! That was a visual far better left un"seen".

Now re your daughter's post, I agree with you (and with her) 100%. :)