Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A Big Thing Is 'Bout To Happen

My next post will be number "300". That's a whole buncha posts scattered out over a couple of years. I think I started sometime in 2007. I ain't decided what number 300 is gonna be, hopefully something that reeks of awesomeness and hilarity.

Among all those posts there were a few that slipped betwixt the cracks of the internets. Some that I thought were pretty decent posts but I didn't really pursue readers, just kinda wrote what I wanted and entertained myself, hence (lol hence) didn't garnish many comments. Today's is a repost from early 2008 that pulled in one comment from my lil' LA buddy Vicky that humored me, read my posts daily, told me I was funny and did it all for a reasonable price that we agreed upon in advance. Seriously, she's a good girl and has a been a dear friend for years.

Anyhow here's "How To Show A Steer In One Easy Lesson"

Yesterday debijeanm left a comment on my post about watching a calf being shown at a local fair. I've done that. Just once, but I did it and I did it with more style and flair than those folks that were there, had ever seen before OR since.

At one point in my career as a boy I belonged to 4-H. I didn't really fit that mold too well, but some of my friends were in it at the time and it seemed like a good thing and for my parents, it kept me outta trouble.... usually, when I was participating in some 4-H'edly type of activity.

My big 4-H project was to raise a steer, fatten him up, make him purty, keep records of his feed and rate of gain and finally show him in a show ring for all the world to see what I'd done. Now I know that there's 1000's of kids that do this and seem to love doing it, but friends... there's just not a whole lot of entertainment value in poking the feed to a calf and watching him get fat. It'll bore you to smithereenies if you get to dwelling on it much.

Now don't get me wrong... man I was good at making a calf fat. That sonofagun put on weight faster than Liz Taylor between husbands. Filled out like August roadkill, man. I washed him and combed him and talked to him, played the radio for him, led him around like a 1000 pound puppy dog and gave him a name. Sue. The Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue" was popular at the time and I thought I was pretty cool naming him that and not dorky at all.

On a whim one day, in serious moment of "watching the animal get fat" boredom, I decided that Ol' Sue needed to be rode. Now I'm not talking Bullrider type of riding, I'm talking 'bout getting up on the back of Sue and riding him around like a goldanged horse.

And so I did.

Albeit there were a few wild rides, as much as Sue liked me and all, he didn't take to having a passenger too much. But I was persistent and he was patient and pretty soon I was riding him all over creation. In retrospect it was probably anti-productive giving him all that extra exercise when the main objective with this whole project was making him fatter. But it sure was entertaining!

Anyway, the day finally came when it was time to show Sue in the showring at the local county fair and I was ready beyond belief. I'd dressed up like a cow shower person should and had Sue all primped and primed, right down to shoe polish on his hooves... 'cause to a livestock judge that's evidently a normal thing. I led him into the showring and the judges were all walking around us and making me turn him around and walk him past them and they were looking at things that I didn't even know what.

Everyone seemed real satisfied with what they'd seen and they said I could leave the showring so... I just hopped right on Sue's back, gave him a "giddyup" and rode that sonofagun right outta the showring, across the fairgrounds and into the barn there.

Yes I did.

A calf show is one of the most boring things on the face of the earth to stand and watch and I felt like I was just taking this thing on up to the next level in entertainment value. I don't think that there was a single person there that day that had ever seen a kid hop on the back of his show calf and ride off into the sunset on him. I got a blue ribbon but always felt like I got slighted some... shoulda got to go to the state fair with him.



Cora said...

HA HA HA!! I can sooo picture that too. Hee hee hee. Brilliant!

April said...

That sure would make a show interesting. Gotta make it fun, right?!

Stacie's Madness said...

ROFLMAO. A true "cow"boy.

Nej said...

In all of the calf shows I've watched at county and state fairs, I can say I've never seen anyone ride their calf out of the ring. Love it!!!

Jerry said...

Well I'll be goldarned - I musta missed that one. What a great story!

Patty has "Woo Valley". Maybe you're in "Whee Valley" (or were...)

Sorry I missed it, but I ain't sorry no more. Great read! Thanks!

Vicky said...

It was funny all over again! (Do I get a residual fee now? lol) You really do crack me up!!! Kisses to the missus - and you - and your guests!! xo

Scope said...

When I was showing my steer at the auction part afterwards, there was this bright flash of lightening and sudden crack of thunder. Man, I bet you know how much cattle lover that shit.

Without even thinking, I did the smartest thing ever in life. I let go of the rope.

Melisa @ Sweet Home said...

Wow! That brought back memories. My steer was named McKeever and he was the best, most gentle creature - he'd follow me around like a puppy. I never thought to ride him, though! Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

Fancy Schmancy said...

That was hysterical. Please tell me someone has a picture of that you can scan and put up!

Paige said...

oh my. I see why this post originally got you some attention--I can so picture this happening.

Great story!

La Pixie said...

oh... SO funny!! I can totally picture it. as a girl raised on a small farm... I can just picture it. I only wish I could have seen it, too.

Shana said...

Wow, you really are a CowGuy!! That is hilarious!!

mzbehavin said...

hey Cowguy!!
Just wanted to let you know that I think you're brilliant... ( and oh yeah, funny as hell....!!!)

also that I gave you a sort of shout out over at my blog... ( don't worry... no one but my mom reads it) I hope this was okay.. I'm still learning the ins and outs of this blogging thing...