Friday, June 19, 2009

My Life... Tweetscretably. 300!

First of all I don't Twitter, Tweet, Bleat, Queet, Spleet, or Congillujeet, and I only have a vague idea of what any of those are, including the ones I just made up. The way I kinda get it with Twitter though, you post one line reflections or witticisms from your mobile throughout the day, or sporadically as you see fit or come upon a Tweet worthy occasion to Twitter, Bleat or Excrete about.

In all likelihood I will never do any of these things. I think it's just fine and dandy for the folks that like doing it, after all that's why there's so many different things to do... so we don't all have to do the same thing... but I just ain't got the time. Hell I barely got time to wipe real good.

So with this vague notion of what Twittering is, for my number 300 post, yes 300 posts on this blog, I'm giving you my life in minuscule vignettes, or as I'm gonna call 'em...... Tweetscretes.

"The life of Cowguy, Tweetscretably"

A hot day in August of 1958, I am expelled from my momma's loins, never to return again.

I have colic. Goat milk sucks.

I spoke today. No one listened. Maybe I'll try again later.

A banner day for me today! I pooped and not in my pants!

Grandma loves me so much, I love it when she squeezes me so hard I can barely breathe.

My dog No-tail got hit by a car. No-tail no-more.

I rode a big bike without training wheels, I wrecked in the gravel... Bud rescued me and wiped the blood offa me.

My Aunt Lola's house smells pretty weird, but not as weird as Uncle Ed with the crazy eye.

Second grade isn't so bad other than this whole thing with spinal meningitis and Satan's bride is my teacher.

I can't wait for summer so I can fish all I want.

I'm sick of fishing.

I hate it when my folks have a fuss, I worry.

Viet Nam, I can't find it on the globe.

My older friend Hollis that always let me sit with him in Sunday school was shot in Viet Nam. I cried.

Mrs Bragg my 6th grade teacher called me "honey" today in class. My life is over.

Beer is good.

I think I want to marry Julie in a couple of years.

I think I want to marry Peggy in a couple of years.

Playing this guitar is a pretty easy way to get chicks.

I'm never getting married. Ever.

Driving the tractor, driving the tractor, driving the tractor, my brain is rotting.


Stoned, and rear ending someone with a carload of friends is no way to celebrate 2 weeks of having a drivers license.

A party.

Lots and lots and lots of parties.

I got my diploma today! I don't know how, majoring in weed and all.

So now I'm a farmer. Chewing tobacco, dirt and cowshit. I have arrived.

Dusty rose polyester is a horrible thing to get married in.

I'm married too young. The fights are awful.

It's so hard to believe I'm a daddy. I'm holding this little girl and can't stop crying at how beautiful she is.

The gun business ain't so bad, I seem to be pretty good at it.

The worst winter storm I can remember... I can't feed my cows because of the storm. I try to go check them on foot and I almost don't make it back home.

The gun business is REALLY good. The whole thing of being somewhere else every weekend get's a little old.

Clinton did WHAT in the oval office?

It's hard to believe I survived the car accident.

My daughter is so gifted athletically and gifted with knowledge, I'm so proud of her.

I caught a guy breaking into my gunshop. I held him with a 9m/m on the back of his head til the cops got here.

I can't stand the cold in my marriage.

I wish I could tell someone what's going on with life, my business, my....

Well, so this is what moving out is about. The loneliness is devastating.

Burned out. Totally. I can't stand the gun business any longer, I've got to get out.

Divorce is horrible. My lawyer is bleeding me to death. My daughter cries.

Yeah, her name is Sally. I met her on the internet. Really.

She actually moved to Missouri with her kids, I found her a house to rent.

She said "yes" tonite. I've never been so in love in my life.

I can't believe how much these kids love me. Jake is... too cool.

The most beautiful bride I've ever seen walked with me out of the church today for the rest of my life.

Well, I might as well ruin another hobby. We're in the furniture restoration business for real.

The confusion of divorce, new families, jealousy... it's never easy.

I walked my daughter Nicky down the aisle. I'm so proud to be her dad.

All of our kids are on their life paths firmly. I think we did a good job.

After all these years I can't believe that I let "music" slide out of my life.

10 years in a month since Sally and I married. Every single day is filled with laughter, love and respect for one another.

I blogged today about my life...



Sass said...

Dang it, Cowguy.

That was amazing.

The best blog post I think I've ever read.


You done good. ;)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

That was hilariously enlightening.

Clyde said...

That was a lovely tweetscrete. Thanks for sharing your life 140 characters at a time.

But I laughed through the whole thing because for some reason, all I could do was picture you bent over with the words 'tweet tweet' floating out of your arse. :)

Holly said...

I laughed, I cried, I smiled a lot. Great post Jace.

Mom said...

Great post. Loved it! What a wild ride you've had.


The Reality of Happily Ever After said...

I'm here as per Sass's post...

What an incredibly inspiring, honest and heart felt post --

Happy Father's day to a man who has clearly lived a life of ups and downs, but best of all has lived having been loved and loving...

Stacie's Madness said...

love it.
great post, congrats on 300!!!

La Pixie said...

laughter and tears... I love your blog.

SallyW said...

I Adore You Drank!

And we all lived happily ever after....

Kitty Cat said...


Lady Jane said...

Came her via Sass's request...and I am so glad I did!!! That was such a moving and funny post! best post I think I ever read!

Kate said...

Visiting from over at Sass's blog! She was right! Awesome post! Happy Father's Day (((hugs)))

Michael in AZ said...

Funny, tearful, heartfelt

Anonymous said...

Well done!

Both the life and the blog! (so far)

Morgan the Muse said...

I found you through Sass, and I am glad I clicked the link. It was very interesting, and.. well.. I can honestly say that I have never read anything like it. I loved it.

But I didn't cry. I only cry when there is blood involved. And at that, my own blood. :D

Miss Caught Up said...

This is an incredible post. :)

Dru said...

What a great post. I loved it!

DouglasDyer said...

Sass sent me over and I'm glad she did. A little lump in my throat but I'm not...gonna...

Stephanie said...

Visiting from Sass's post...glad I did! You have a way with recounting events, a lot like my dad. Short and sweet. He'd say "what the hell is Twitter" too.

dizzblnd said...


stupid caps lock

That's cause my eyes were blurry with tears

Mr. Condescending said...

Found you through sass, wonderfully written.

Cora said...

Cowguy, I think that is about the sweetest, most touching thing I've read in a long, long time. That was truly magical.


B.E.A said...

Sass sent me over. What a great post! You've got yourself a new follower! :)

Cynthia said...

Wonderful post...Congratulations on 300! I just kept thinking how much time it must have taken you to write this! The cool thing is that after all that brain-frying when you were young...(not to mention what d.i.v.o.r.c.e. will do to your brain...) YOU COULD REMEMBER ALL OF THAT!!! You're a miracle! (Many times over, obviously.) :^)
Having experienced many of the same things, it was nice to be able to relate...
I'm so glad that you and Sally are deliriously happy! It gives me hope!!!

BusyBee said...

Wow - that was worth the wait.

Gwen said...

As with all that you do, I loved it.

Gwen said...

Wait. I have more to say.

While this post is specifically about your life, I think it's themes are true of every life: it will be full of trials and setbacks and bad decisions but also moments of extreme joy and wonder.

One of the hardest things to learn about life, maybe because it takes time and experience to see it, is that the only constant is change. When times are tough, just wait it out; it won't stay that way. When times are good, revel in them because tomorrow could be very different.

I don't understand people who get overly dramatic about every little thing that happens to them because, in the end, it all evens out. Relax and enjoy the ride.

/philosophical wax

Love you, CG!

The Laughing Idiot said...

Sass sent me too.

What a life you have had so far, cheers to at least 300 more posts & perhaps another 50 years!

J.J. in L.A. said...

Jumped over from Sass's blog. I'm impressed! With your life story and that it's in chronological order. I tried that in my 100th post and kinda sucked at it.

Anonymous said...

Sass sent me and I'm glad she did. That was a great post! Congrats on the 300!

krazykris said...

I started reading your blog this week thanks to Sassy.
I really enjoyed today's post. Looking forward to more.

Jerry said...

Dang Cowguy! I am just about speechless. I'm not a huge blog reader ('cept yours) but that has to be blogly historical! And the way you love Sally and those kids, well, it just shines through your blog and your whole charmed life.

If I wasn't so damned old I'd be your son in a heartbeat! :)

Da Old Man said...

Very nice post. Thanks for sharing all that.

Cowguy said...

Sass: You're the best. Thanks kid.

Jenks: Aw you ol' softie you.

Clyde/Katie: There's always the chance of that kind of tweet. It comes with age and testosterone.

Holly: Holly, you're a sweetie. Thanks!

Mom: Yup, it's been a ride... I'm still hanging on.

The Reality of Happily Ever After: I truly know how fortunate I am. Thank you.

Stacie: You little rocker you, thanks for reading me.

LA Pixie: Thanks for being a regular, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

SallyW: I love you with all my guts and the dogs guts and anyone else that has extra guts to donate to me for this use. XO sweetie, see you tomorrow.

Kitty Cat: lol your avatar says "wow" too!

Lady Jane: Aw shucks... go on. Thank you.

Kate: Thanks for the father's day wishes. What a happy profile pic!

Michael: Thanks for being a regular, you're a man of few words but I know where they fall.

Ahr8tch: Thanks Bob, it's appreciated.

Morgan the Muse: Stick around... there's always blood. :-)

Miss Caught Up: Thanks for the kudos! Come back!

Dru: Thanks Dru, glad you liked it.

Douglas D. : Thanks man, sorry bout the lump... it happens.

Stephanie: LOL I get the "you remind me of my dad" thing from Sass as well.

dizzblnd: Aw heck, I didn't mean to make no one cry...

Mr. Condescending: Thank you very much!

Cora: Aw Cora, you're such a sweet girl. Thanks for you comment and thanks for reading me every day.

B.E.A.: Thanks for clicking the follow button and thank you for you comment!

Cynthia: Thank you for your nice comment. There's someone for everyone, sometimes it just takes a miss or two to find the one that makes you click your heels. She's been away for the week and I miss her so much it hurts... she's coming home tommorow. Good luck to you. Oh and yeah, I roasted a few brain cells doing this post, but they were the weak ones anyway.

BusyBee: Thank YOU for waiting.

Gwen: At first I thought "where's the rest of her words?". lol

You are so correct, wallowing in self pity with a whiny attitude is no way to go through life. Bitch and piss and moan all the time... and that's what you're gonna be dealt.

Thanks Gwen for reading me so regular, and thanks for you double comments.

The Laughing Idiot: In another 50 years I'm just gonna be a cowguy raveling. Thanks!

J.J.: Thanks girl! I had to do some brain scraping to get that all out there like that. :-)

Mejis: Thank you so much!

krazykris: I'm glad you're reading me... hopefully the well won't run dry.

Jerry: You're a great friend Jerry, sharing time with you and Anne is a pleasure for Sally and I. Thanks for being a daily reader, thanks for all that you do on TWW and just.... thanks.

Cowguy said...

Da Old Man: Thank YOU!

Crazy K said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Great one. And I was happy that there was a happt 140 character ending...looking forward to more.

Lola said...

Great post. Awesome really.

Char said...

Jace, that was wonderful. You are so talented and a big ole softie!

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Sadly, about twenty years from now, what you just posted is going to qualify as an "autobiography".

nipsy said...

What an awesome post for a first time reader. Love it!!

P.S. I'm twittering you right now.. LOL

Ribbon said...

that was brilliant... my first time here and much enjoyed...

thank you
best wishes

Zeba Talkhani said...

I am on twitter and sometimes wonder what I am doing there!!

Love the post. eel like I really know you even though it is my first time here!

dizzblnd said...

I linked you on my post today. This one is just too good not to share with a people who may not have seen it yet

The Peach Tart said...

You've had an amazing life and you've articulated the soul of it so well

Vodka Mom said...

you kicked ass!!

What an amazing and well-written post. I just loved it.

And you and Sally? Here's to many, many more.......

SkylersDad said...

I came over from DizzBlnd and will add you to my reader, great stuff sir!

Vicky said...

Sass sent me, too. Wait, who's Sass?

One more thing to add to your list: Ruby ate red Jello today.

Oh, another one more thing: Colored crayons .......

I love you, dude!

Fancy Schmancy said...

That was great, I think you have the tweats beat. Thanks for sharing your life with us, I got a little teary eyed.

Paula said...

Wow.. I loved it. Congrats on 300.. and Happy Father's Day. =]

Girl Interrupted said...

Here via Sass's blog :) ... that was so cool, and very cleverly done! I just started using Twitter, only a few short hours later I realised my life is actually incredibly dull. If I can come up with tweets as cool as yours, I might stick with it. Or I might just make $hit up :P

Congrats on your 300th!!

Anonymous said...

This was the best thing I've ever read in the blogosphere and I only hope you don't get the bighead, but I passed the laptop to my husband (who was in the middle of watching NASCAR) and interrupted him. Because he loves me oodles, he muted the TV and read your post. There was one big ol' retired firefighter, smiling half the time and saying "man oh man" the rest. REAL GOOD stuff and when I turn 60 next month, I would like to do something similar, like "FROM ZERO TO SIXTY IN SIXTY SECONDS" Thank you.

ReformingGeek said...

Very nice. Thanks for sharing!

mzbehavin said...


I left a comment.... in the wrong spot...... ( I just do those things...)

Trying again.... ( I do hate repeating myself.... really...)

but some things bear repeating.....

Cowguy.... You are both brilliant, and funny.....

Thank you for the laughter.... and yes... even the tears....

keep it coming...

also.. I gave you a shout out on my blog... I do hope that was okay... still don't know quite what I'm doing, out here in blog world....

Paige said...

What a fun post! Happy 300th blog post---great way to celebrate

Nej said...

Everyone has already said it, but I'll add my two cents as well.

Great post!!!!!!!! :-) :-)

The Retired One said...

This was a classic.
Loved it.
Hell, you saved everybody the horrible job of what to say for your eulogy when the time comes...
They can just read that.
About sums it up, no??????

Sassy Britches said...

Been saving' this one up, Cowguy. And you know what? STILL the only words I have are, "Wow." Just wow. Thank you for sharing.

Oh My Goddess said...

I'm impressed! What a great post!
Best wishes to you and Sally and all in 2010!

Michael in AZ said...

This post still gets to me, Thanks

SallyW said...


Please bring it back!