Monday, July 13, 2009

On The Cover Of Rolling Stone...

Our band Keota is approaching the release of our first CD, just a few more legalities and we're gonna have that thing outta the closet and ready for sale. Lord have mercy, it's been a conlooperation of stumbling through this thing. For whatever reason the rest of the band seemed to think that I had magical powers and common sense and lay the responsibility of obtaining licenses, getting our ducks in a row and other such non-sense.

I question their sanity. Freakin A.

So with the south end of this northbound horse coming into sight, we now need a jacket picture, front and back. I've got some ideas, I'm sure the others do as well, but none of those ideas are gonna be close (hopefully) to my selection of "Wrong Album Covers".

Now I know this dead gnu has been beat to a bloody pulp in the past, but what the hell. I'm handsome AND lucky AND have clean underpants and with all of that going for me... here's my list.

Cowguy's Album Horror Show

Let's start this off with familiarity. Orleans "what the hell were they thinking" cover.

And heck, while we're on the "half naked man" theme... I'm rolling with it. This little subcategory are album covers guaranteed to kill sales to heterosexual men.

Prince. This weirds me out.

Herbie Mann. No, THIS weirds me out. Take a bath in Nair or Nads... for cryin' out loud. I'm a hairy guy but that dude is wearin' a poodle hide.

And being an equal opportunity bloggin' ijit that I am, I give you the Cher meets Conan the Barbarian cover. That head dress thing comes with it's own converter box now. 27 channels plus PBS.

The Louvin Brothers...

Yes, Satan is real. Here he is dressed in blue polyester and double knit with a party mask. "The devil you say..."

I don't EVEN know what the heck this is about... but I ain't gonna listen. I've got a better operation story anyhow.

She can tell this guy. It'll be like show and tell. Heh heh... "show and tell" Heh ...

Keep these guys away from that guy above. I see bad karma.

And we probably also wanna keep ol' Jay....

...away from this chick. There's gonna be trouble Lucy!

Hey! Marty Feldman is lookin' for you, Heino!

We actually do a song with a line in it "Things are bad in Houston, half my friends are dying", but still... an album cover like this is just gonna bring you down. Down to South Town... waaay on down.

Okay that was depressing. Here. HAPPY!!

And more Happy!! Sic 'em Tiny! Is this Jeff Bridges as a french fry addict or what?

I know, I know. Nailed it didn't I?

Sometimes I'm really "on".

"I got your backdoor good buddy... and your rubber duck." That one dude seems have a little Captain in him.

Tino, I think I know the album buyers you're catering to there pal. *wink wink*

I never understood ol TT. He wasn't funny. He sang like a microwaved crap sandwich, and well... he was homely as a possum in a pigpen. In a Santa hat, he's absolutely frightening.

Julie... run while you can. Bubba Carl has a plan, honey. Seriously, wtf is up with this album cover. Probably a big seller in Appalachia. Oh quit it, it's humor.

And the last one, I ain't gonna post. I'll link it in on a GIS if you wanna go look, probably not safe for work or anything else. It's Santana's Abraxas album. I oogled this thing in the record rack as an adolescent boy thinking "that is one bitchin' album cover" but knew I'd have to keep it under my mattress with "other things" if I took it home.

So, it's onward to Keota's album cover art. There might be some usable concepts here after all......



Cynthia L. H. said...

YOU are too too funny! I don't know where you dug those things up, but yep, some of it is pretty scary.
The REALLY scary part is that I remember a few of them...
Good luck on your album. Can't wait to see how your cover turns out.
Do NOT, repeat do NOT go with spin-offs of the first one or Julie's Sixteenth Birthday.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

It's Julie's Sixteenth Birthday, and John Bult's lookin' to get him some...

I think that's straight moonshine in the mug by his elbow.

SkylersDad said...

OK, now I am gonna have really bad Tiny Tim dreams!

Chaka said...

Jeff Bridges as a french fry addict and telling Herbie Mann to take a bath in Nair. You kill me Cowguy. Thanks for my laugh for the day.

Jerry said...

'Nuther "attaboy" on the Jeff Bridges thing. LMAO!!

I actually think I HAVE the Herb Alpert album.

Most of 'em I never saw, but what a hoot and a half! You are the Master, my friend! Great post!

Good luck with the CD cover. I know it will have a lot of class and taste. :)

Anonymous said...

Claudine Longet (sp)? What a tangerine! But she's a real killer. Just ask Spider Sabich.

Yes! I DO have that album and I love a taste of honey!

Venom said...

I think teh 'floutist' may be trying to assert his manliness by exposing his pelt...

Stacie's Madness said...

great post, hope you and the band come up with something equally amusing.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I had that Ministers Quartet poster hung on the wall of my teenage bedroom.

So sue me...

Fancy Schmancy said...

You never fail to bring the funny!

Cora said...


Cher must think it's Halloween every damn day.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Just use a picture of a cow and be done with it.

My dad had that Herb Albert Haven't seen that in a Coons Age!

- Jennifer

La Pixie said...

seriously, who green-lighted those covers??!?!?

Kim said...

We HAVE that Herb Alpert album too! It was my mom's. We have a bunch of other good ones too--I think there's even a Carpenter's album in there. Woo-hoo!

The Retired One said...

You KNOW you want to do the Full Monty.
Or like that movie with the calendar gotta get bigger buns.

Scope said...

YOu should so redo the "Whipped Cream" cover.

And by "You" I mean "Sal".