Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Sal and I were in Sam's yesterday and while wandering around perusing packages of toothpaste with 12 tubes of pasty substance in 'em and 50 pound boxes of oranges and other such stuff, I stumbled across my once a year edible extravagance. The YARD O BEEF!

I half ran, half skipped across the expanse of Sam's Club Warehouse, with a silly grin on my face, ecstatic with what I perceived to be the best purchase of the day. Nay, the best purchase of the month! I paused to look at my Yard O Beef, looked up and spotted Sally across the store. Holding it high and waving it wildly "HONEY!!! LOOK!!!! IT'S THE YARD O BEEF!!!!" She was busy crawling under a pallet of beans, obviously looking for something, so she most likely didn't hear me... so I said it louder as I ran towards her waving my meat stick at her.

Girls aren't as enamored with Yards O Beef as men are. Here... looky at the end of it. Now there's some MEAT! All smokey tasting with some ground up beef parts and possible chicken parts as well and it wouldn't suprise if there was some pig parts in there too. It's THAT good.

Mmmmmmm! Jealous huh? Oh oh... this package was mis-labled. It's gotta be a collectors item. Check it out!

You get 4 guys together, drinkin' beer, smoking cigars... there's 4 servings there. LOL I laugh. 24? Lordy... what a misprint. Oh and this stuff burps great! It's almost like a whole nuther meal of it later on.

Get your guy one of these for Christmas and he'll probably take you on a cruise. Honest!

As long as I'm on the whole meat thing, Oprah was named "Person Of The Year" by PETA. If you've read my blog much, you know how much I LOOOOOVVVEEE PETA. Here's PETA's article 'bout Oprah.

Awesome huh? Wait! I've got a great picture of ol' Oprah and that guy that won't marry her. Here.

Cool coat eh?

See? Here's the thing with me and PETA and it's followers. If you're so appalled at the idea that my fur coat (I don't own one...lol) is made from skinned animals... you oughta be so appalled that you wouldn't even wanna wear something that LOOKS like real fur. Seriously. I mean it. And to go even further, why in Hell do you wanna eat a veggie burger thing that looks like a meat hamburger if meat and the idea of it disgusts you? Here, look at this thing...

My way of thinking is, wad up that tofu veggie conglamoration and eat it as whatever it mashes out as, be it yellow goo or green pate`. Just don't make it look like meat on purpose. Lordy. Oh and that picture there... that tomato/pepper mess on the right, *gag*. I saw Eddie Pflum throw up a better looking meal in the back of the school bus in the 5th grade.

I think I'm all done now.

NO! Wait! I gotta Christmas picture! I got a shot of Santa doing some early shopping for y'all! I'm hopin it's not meat!



Jerry said...

I love this blog! I can always come here for a good time. That Santa pic is a keeper for sure. The rest was, well, just plain good stuff as always.

Sassy Britches said...

Ew, burps great?! Coooowguuuuuy! TMI! :)

Lady of the Cloth said...

I call PETA, um, PITA, Pain in the A....., well, you know. I'll bet half of the group wear leather shoes, what do you bet? Merry Christmas from Snowy Washington, (we're getting a bunch of global warming here, about 9 inches so far) last time we got this much snow was 40 years ago, I think Mother Nature is thumbing his nose at Al Gore!

Dr Zibbs said...

That meat looks tasty!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Merry Christmas!!!!

Give the cows a hug and a kiss for me please!!!!!!!

- Jennifer

WowsRose said...

Did you get some nuts to go with that?

Vicky said...

Merry Christmas, Jace! Knew I could mosey on over here for a good laugh this morning! Kisses to the family! (Hugs)

Kim said...

Hey, Jace! Don't you know girls like 12 inches of meat too? Where you been all your life?! And Merry Christmas!

Kim said...

Oops! I was thinking a FOOT of beef, not a YARD! Okay, I don't think I've ever even SEEN a YARD O'Beef before. Guess I'm going to have to gift myself with a Sam's Club membership, huh?! You didn't HURT anyone swinging that thing around Sam's Club, did you?

Chaka said...

I loved your yard o beef story and subsequent rants in this post. My wife refers to it as beef stick but I appreciate you adding in some of the other probable ingredients.

Susan Freebery said...

Well, I simply have got to thank you for posting such wonderfully humorous blogs! Being in Real Estate, there hasn't been much to laugh about lately and you just gave me a real belly laugh. Thanks so much!