Things Heard In A Cattle Barn

We worked about 90 head of calves today and pregnancy tested about 10 cows. "Working"? That's a round of vaccinations, castrating bulls, worming etc. Basically all the stuff that makes them marketable so you wanna see 'em on your dinner table and on your grill. I'll do the icky part, you do the eatin' part. Okay? Okay.

During the course of a day things get said that you normally don't hear in everyday life, and some things that just make you laugh.. because. This post is things that I heard today with 5 of us, including the vet and his assistant.


"Watch 'em run back 100 feet from the gate. I don't need the exercise."


"What's wrong with number 30?"
"She's got issues, try to ignore her. She embarrasses easily."


"Could it get any f'in wetter out here?"
"Yes."
*Rain immediately starts coming down harder*


"Wish I'd brought a spoon."
"What?"
"Wish I'd brought a spoon. It's chilly today and I like chili."
*giggles*


"I really need a bucket of corn up at that end."
"Doesn't everyone?"
"Normally.. no."


"Why the hell do we have to push this thing back every freakin' time?" *everyone shrugs*


"I don't think I've seen cow shit squirt quite that far before."
"Distance was definitely a 10, but I give her a 6 for performance."
*golf clap*


"If that one's open, I'm eating her."
"She's 1st period pregnant."
"I'll just eat chicken."


"Where's that smoke coming from?"
"That cow's hoof."
"Holy crap!"


"Remember that Amish guy's cow that caught on fire?"
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, he put it out with his hat."
"Serious?"
"Serious."
"I've never seen that happen."
"Not many have."


"WATCH THAT BLACK... " *gate climbing like crazy* "SOMEBODY LET HER OUTTA THAT END BEFORE SHE KILLS ME!"
"Jace, you want me to come and save you?"
"Goatfarmer..."
"Say that with a smile."
"Goatfarmer with a smile."
"Kiss my ass."
*laughter*


"You sellin' that one?"
"I ain't taking her home to meet my mother with an ugly set of tits like that."
(her udder had gone south as we say in the cow business) *crude laughter*


"You got a glob of shit on your hat."
"I know."


"That one got horns?"


"Whoa WHOA WHOA!! Grab that gate!! Grab.... never mind."


"Nice cow stick."
"Thanks, I made it myself."


"How come the stop pipe is always on the other side of the chute?"
"How come you're on that side of the chute?"
"Good question..."


"One more remark about those 6 Holstein calves and I'll be asking for a discount."


"Remember that time I saved your life?"
"I remember the time you pushed me in front of that killer cow. That's what I
remember."
"Your memory sucks. It really does. Your mom made me a pie for saving your life. Your sister wanted to marry me"
"I don't have a sister, dumbass."
"Oh... that musta been your wife."


"I'm going home."
"Me too."






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