Thursday, October 22, 2009

Dream Analysis 101

Well... my last blog post I told you if you posted me your latest dream, I... Cowguy, with my cowgina prowness, would anal-yze your mindful meanderings in slumber land.

You overwhelmed me. I think I'll go at this in 2 hitches. Please bear in mind that my findings are not the "end all" of your dream interpretations. But I AM dang smart and I've got a BHD, STD and BBQ in this field so.... here we go!

MrsCravitz is up first with her dream posting...

"Anyway, the last dream I had that I remember, was, I was in the mountains, at this cabin place that was mine, but in real life I did not really live there. Some of my best friends were in the dream, and at the very end, I saw my mother, of whom has been gone for 9 years now. There is a lot more detail, but I won't bore you with the color of the trees, or house or flowers. Yes, I get very detailed in my dreams."

MrsCravitz, a common mistake by dream relayers to the dream analyzer is lack of detail. I need details details details in order to properly surmise what this dream of yours means in totality. With the sparse amount of information though, I can give you this. You have what us cowgina experts like to call the "Grizzly Adams" syndrome. You're fixated on cabins, mountains, most likely wild animals and stuff. Your friends there in your dream are representative of the many many MANY boyfriends you've had in your life that have broken your heart. If the dream had lasted another minute, no doubt Grizzly Adams would have appeared and shot them all. Your mom (God rest her soul) in your dream was just there to watch the carnage that never happened. You're a very sexual person.

Thank you.

My next dream analysis guest is Mo Mad Dog Stoneskin... his dream is as follows...

"I'm at MacDonald's with my mate Andy. We're being served and at the front of the queue to our left are two attractive blond girls, identical twins in fact.

As they pay I lean across and display my usual razor-sharp wit. 'You'd think they would offer a special deal for twins, a crazy 'two-for-one' deal wouldn't you?' I joked.

Behind us in the queue were three lads, identical triplets in fact. They caused quite a fuss, accused us of discriminating against those formed from a divided egg or whatever.

The rest of the dream was essentially Andy and I running away from the triplets."

Mo, dear Mo. The guilt you are carrying around from your 5 times a day visits to McDonalds are tearing you apart. It's true. Stop it right now! The clever repartee with the twins was nothing more than a replay of the real life, completely conscious act of sleeping with hookers. Not that that's wrong, but it's coming back to haunt you man. The triplets represent the children you have fathered but not owned up to. Yes... run man, run. Run for your life!!!

You are a very sexual person.

Thank you,

Next JenJen wrote...

"I dreamt that I was in a school building and there were shoes on the other side of the door but I couldn't figure out how to get in that room."

JenJen, be honest with yourself. You know what this dream means. I myself rode the short bus as a youngster. I know the pain that you feel from that experience as well. Not being able to figure out how to get your shoes on the other side of the door? You and I both know being the slow kid isn't always a circus. Don't we?

You are a very sexual person.

Thank you,

Staceyjwarner put her dream to paper, or to puter as the case may be here...

"I had a dream that me and this Clint Eastwood type character were sleeping outside near a river. He washed in the stream. It had the feel of a film from the 70's. I was cold so he gave me his t-shirt to wear. It smelled of him. It was old. This guy wasn't homeless. He chose to live this way by the stream fed by melting snow caps...I was in love with him but later in the dream he would push me emotionally away, although it was no longer me."

StaceyJ, you know as well as I that that is ME in your dream. STOP STALKING ME!!! I can't take the pressure anymore. I'm a married man. Yes I exude that cool Clint Eastwood persona, yes I smell of man, but you can't love me. Please, just stop before hearts are broken!!

You are a very sexual person.


Ahr8tch wrote...

"I had just moved into the area and there was a local issue vote.

When I tried to vote they told me I couldn't because they weren't sure which way I'd vote. They told the guy ahead of me in line he couldn't vote because they knew he'd vote against the issue.

I raised a little hell and they called the local cop.

Suddenly I realized that it was just a power grab by the local politicos.

I shot everybody but the guy in line ahead of me and went back to sleep."

Dear Ahr8tch, I have no clue wtf this dream means but... what an awesome ending!!! Freakin A!!

You are a very sexual person.

Thank you,

And finally for the last one of todays analysis' we've got Sass

Here's Sass' little dream...

"I dreamed that I was driving, and Barack Obama was in the passenger seat. My husband was in the back. Next thing I know, Obama slips his hand inside my bra.

My husband laughed, smiled, and THAT'S an elected official.

I then had a sit-down with michelle obama, who was white. And she told me it was okay, that he does it all the time.

Then I was given a secret entrance into the white house, where I just had to crawl over the blue filing cabinet, past the trash cans, and into the "big office."

Dear Sass.....

You are a very sexual person.

Thank you,

Stay tuned for the next post where I finish up this highly professional dream analysis! Thanks for the participation and letting me show off some of my little known skills in this field!



Lone Star Queen said...

Thanks for the very much needed laugh this morning! I got a damn speeding ticket on the way to work and It made me so mad that now I have a headache! Boy, did I need a good laugh.

Gwen said...

I don't generally remember my dreams but the night after you analyzed your own dream, I had a dream about you. I'm serious. All I can remember was that I was visiting you and I was trying really hard not to be a prissy girl about dirt and bugs and farm stuff because I wanted you to like me.

I'm a very sexual person.

Sass said...

That's IT?

I want my 14 dollars, 36 cents, and 22 beer can tabs back.


mrscravitz said...

Well you have created a much needed entertainment for me this morning. Yes, I am simple to please. Love you analyzed dreams. I really look forward to more, and the first dream I remember in 'detail' I will be sure to tell you about it. LOL To funny!

Scope said...

Loved this post.

That probably means I'm a very sexual person.

Stacie's Madness said...


SkylersDad said...

This is absolutely brilliant!
signed: a very sexual fellow short bus rider.

Oh My Goddess said...

Freud was an idiot compared to you.

staceyjwarner said...

Oh no! I've been found out...LOL! Well best you don't come around the Respite, having your little head floating around might just be too much for me...

so fun!

JenJen said...

Well smack my forehead...I fell over in amazement!
You are OZ.

Thank you


The Retired One said...

Freud was wrong.
I do NOT have penis envy.
I have Cowguy envy.
Now I have to lay down and dream about it so I, too, can be a very sexual person.....

~E said...

I have never in my life laughed so hard at 130am! Well, unless you count that one time, but c'mon...he was naked and it was tiny! ;)

Michael in AZ said...

So, are you trading in your cowboy hat for a turban o great Swami?
Funny Stuff

Char said...

I didn't know that you were going to be sooo good at this. All that and cowginas, too. Amazing!