Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Thing I Found Shot Dead In My Yard.

We are rednecks. Lotsa stuff gets shot up around here, and dang it... we take pride in it. We're very rural (I can see my nearest neighbors house most of the time, but it's half a mile away)and we've got a large yard surrounded by empty fields on all 4 sides so if anyone takes a hankerin' to go shoot holes in something... it's a short trip to the range. :-) When our 24 year old son Jake is home there's even more shootin' taking place, with the help of several of his buddies a good bit of lead is flung around.

I've picked up some pretty odd things that were chosen targets, but none odder than this one. I don't know the story with this, I just found it. Dead. No amount of surgery will bring it back to life. Kablam! "Hello death!"

Now understand, we're not a sports oriented family. We don't watch 'em on tv. We don't attend them with 1000's of other people. We don't listen to 'em on the radio. We don't read about 'em in the paper. I found out that the baseball playoffs were happening right now because they were on in a friends house last night.

As far as I know, there has never been a football on the place... until now. And it's dead.

Did someone haul it outta their car by mistake, while here at our place... and the guys showing their displeasure, just shoot the living shit out of it? Perhaps someone traveling down the road in front of our place sailed it out of a window, teaching someone a lesson. Or maybe it was just sailing thru the air for miles and miles and miles and the boys shot it outta their airspace... just because.

I don't know. But it looks to have been a decent football at one point. Before being shot to death. And even though I have no interest in sports, I'm still touched a bit just by the visual carnage and I feel I have to name it.

"Someone wins... someone loses"

I added this a couple of weeks ago, "your your intermittently rotated video of abundant wtf". Click on the 3 headed sheep chair on the right sidebar once in awhile. You can't get high class entertainment selections like this at the 7-11.



Cora said...

Poor Wilson. He never had a chance.


mo.stoneskin said...

Even I'll admit it. It was a pretty damn spectacular throw. I must be the first person in history to throw an American football over the Atlantic. And given my efforts I'm a tad disappointed that some redneck shot the thing down.

JenJen said...

I got hit in the head once with a basketball.

Jerry said...

I think you're a closet football player and you posted this to take the heat off. Spin, that's all it is. Spin.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Zombie versus Shark....I loved it. Maybe the shark needs to see the movie Zombieland so it learns the rules.

I'm with Cora...poor Wilson.

The Retired One said...

I feel like you about sports. We never watch it or listen to it or go to it....the only thing we do is attend a Super Bowl party at a friend's house once a year for seems like such a waste of money and time!!

Carl Vine said...

I say somebody shot the pig.

As a result, this ball (which had made it through the entire manufacturing process) ended up being rejected by Inspector 12 at the end of the line on the day they were manufacturing a run of footballs.

It ended up in your yard because they couldn't just throw it in the dumpster (The friendly folks at PETA are ALWAYS watching the dumpster) so they tossed it out the window of the big Wilson delivery truck that left the factory under the protective cover of a moonless night.

That's what I say.

Char said...

However it got there, it sure looks like it went through hell!

Greenmare said...

so will you give the poor thing a decent burial or will you stuff it??? it looks like it's been dead too long for you to eat it.

~E said...

I shot up a fridge and an old car bumper once up in the snoqualmie mountains with an ak-47 and an M4.

I think I can succesfully put in my application for the redneck club now right?