Monday, January 5, 2009

Beavers And Ducks

I hesitate to even relate this story, but then Humiliation is my middle name. My parents thought that was real funny when I was just a baby. On the bright side, you won't run into many others with that middle name.

Okay, there was a movie a few years ago called "Bandits" with Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton as bank robbers. Not a bad movie but definitely not a great movie. As with 'bout any movie ever made there's one line that you can pull outta the flick and use it.

There's a scene where Billy Bob's character "Terry" is asleep and he wakes up in a panic and blurts out "Beavers and ducks!". It cracked me up then and it still does now.

So our friends Gary and Jolene were over here the other evening, we had a couple of drinks and were just sitting here visiting. For whatever reason the TV was on as well with the volume low on something benign. The conversation had moved into politics and.............. I drifted off to sleep. More like that state of mind where you *think* you know what's going on in the room around you, but there's some confusion with what you're hearing on the TV, the conversation, and some old dude that's moving the furniture around in the room in your little dream that you've moved into in your sleepy little punkin.

I snapped into consciousness and with all my might I said loudly... "FENG SHUI".

The conversation stopped and the other 3 people in the room all spun their heads to look at me. I tried to make a save.

"You know... Feng Shui. Where every object has a correlation to every other object in your being and the arranging of 'em to affect your life and stuff. That's the thing you're trying to think of right now."

They just stared at me with their mouths open 'cause no one was trying to think of Feng Shui. Not in that conversation... possibly not ever.

Finally Gary spoke. "Did you just have a stroke? What the hell?

To which I replied once again. "Feng Shui" 'cause I just couldn't give it up and my brain wouldn't fully engage with the mix of a couple of cocktails, sleep and etc.

For the past few days now I can just be sitting here minding my own business and Sal will walk by me or stop in front of me, say "Feng Shui" and walk on... giggling at what is evidently the funniest damned joke of the century.

I bring it all on myself.



Sassy Britches said...

Your life is just too interesting. And I'm not being sarcastic! I just have to giggle.

Jerry said...

Another day, another great chuckle. Thanks for being a fun guy and spreading it around. :)

Jane said...

It may be time to consider getting professional help...

Jane said...

On the other hand, Sally must not have been at the top of her game either. I believe the correct response when someone blurts out "Feng Shui!" is...

Dave's not here!

Anonymous said...

Next time someone says Feng Shui, my response is Joy. Check out my new book, Feng Shui with Attitude! Jump-Start Your Joy
(available at

Anonymous said...

Ha ! Reminds me of the time my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking with friends one evening...I kinda drift asleep, just as you describe ..... and I'm snapped awake by my own loud fart ! Now THERE'S some humilation !

Jennifer said...

Haven't laughed this hard in quite a while. Anonymous's comment caused a giggle too. Love reading your blog.

Greenmare said...

you were obviously so far ahead of them that they didn't even realize they were going to talk about feng shui. am I right or what?

Cowguy said...

Sassy Britches: "Interesting" is a good word. It beats out "craptastic" almost every time.

Jerry: Fun guy = Feng shui. Coincidence? I think not.

Jane: Dave's not here. Ahhhh liked that one eh? lol

Anonymous number 1: If I were to buy your book (from Amazon lol) I would be so tore up trying to figure out where to place it with my other objects... I'd probably just return it out of frustration.

Anonymous number 2:

By the way anonymous posters... get a blogger ID or at least sign your name so I can send out the prizes that the others get.

okay, Anonymous number 2: Farting is always fun!

Jennifer: Hard laughter. Hooray! My work is done.

Greenmare: You ma'am are a genius. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

You been eatin' too much takie outie lately, Jace?

So, you use that feng shui when you line the cows up for lunch?

Sonarman said...

Prizes ? Cool ! (Just so long as they aren't made by your cows)

(Anonymous 2)

Anonymous said...

ROFLOL!!! Jace, I love you! And I love the snoot outta Sally, too! Y'all just gave me the best laff I've had in a few days. Eve

Sass said...

Ahhh, you seriously just made me laugh out loud, and I mean, like seriously.

I do the most embarrassing things in my sleep...or so I'm told. I don't really believe it, though. ;)

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I think there is medication for this illness??

- Jennifer

Anonymous said...

"Dave's not here!"
OMG, why didn't I think of that?!? LOL

Jennifer, we don't want to see him on medications.... do we? uh uh I don't think so.


(I couldn't get it to say anything but Anonymous, I've lost my identity. I will now only be known as Mrs. Anonymous)

Tigger said...

OMG! I have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. Too funny.


Giggle Pixie said...

I love this story! I might link to it with one of my own on my blog soon!

Queen Goob said...

Thanks Giggle P - cause that's what we do when we LAUGH AT FUNNY STORIES!!!!