Saturday, January 10, 2009

Yeah They've Come To Snuff The Rooster...

Firstly, I've added one of those "blog followers" things over there on the right side of the whatchamacallit. Everyone seems to be doing it and of course heeding OR ignoring the words of my mother "If everyone jumped off a cliff would you jump too?"... Well... probably if it looked like fun and I wouldn't get hurt too much. So where it says Happy go lucky sonofaguns, click the "follow" words and you'll get to put your picture up there and I'll be sending you a kitten or a diamond ring or something even more specialer at Christmas or on your birthday.

Just do it. I've got like 4 outstanding human beans following and they need company. It's the truth.

Okay, I've been puny for about a day. I've got the man-cold. I've been hovering near death for the past 12 hours. This of course is Sally's version. My version is, I just feel crappy. I even passed up playing music last night so you KNOW I'm sick if I do that. This is my last "allowed" day of man coldness so tomorrow, bright and early I'll quit coughing, my raw throat will be healed by a miracle and I'll want to go cut a load of firewood.


There's an awesome old Alice In Chains song titled "rooster" that has nothing to do with todays blog other than I stole a line from the song. You can look it up on youtube if you wanna listen to it. Anyway, a buncha years ago we had some chickens that ran around outside and for whatever reason we ended up with a bunch of white roosters. This is all good, I coulda cared less except for the fact that at dawns early light they would all pick a basement window to see their reflection in and then spend the rest of the day.... until dark.... crowing at themselves. It was cute for awhile and guests were always entertained by it, but a man can take only so much rooster crowing, and 12 hours a day of it, from all corners of the house was just a bit too much.

My daughter Nicky and I grew to hate the roosters. We seriously had not a touch of love whatsover for those stupid roosters... and a person can only have so many roosters. "So Many" is usually 1.

I tried getting rid of 'em by giving them away. Anyone that stopped I tried to give 'em a rooster or roosters. I finally pawned ONE off to my neighbor Virgil. No one wanted the dang things.

I honestly don't remember what precipitated the event of "snuff the roosters day", other than we were both having a pretty rotten day and were sitting in the living room trying to get one another to show pity on ourselves. While this was going on, there were 4 roosters posted at various basement windows crowing their stupid little chicken brains out at their reflections.

Nicky and I paused in our pity wallowing. I said... "lets kill the roosters". Her face instantly brightened. She said "You mean it?" We grabbed a 12 gauge, walked out in the yard and went completely Rambo on the stupid roosters.

It was mayhem.

It was also one of Nicky's most hysterical and happiest childhood memories. :-)

Maybe you had to be here. Maybe you had to hear the crowing cacophony for 12 hours a day, EVERY day... non-stop.

Silence was golden.

I ran across this video of this rooster... This ol' boy would last about 30 minutes around here.

What can I add?

One more video that totally breaks the boundaries of WTF. A Japanese game show contestant, dressed in blackface, doing an impression of Louis Armstrong, phonetically singing "what a wonderful world" and then playing a pretend trumpet... to the audiences apparent great pleasure.

Amazing 'eh?

Have a great Sunday evening.



mckie2 said...

Ok - I'm following now. Because I always do what I'm told. I don't need anymore kittens. Can I have a diamond ring?

Jerry said...

LMAO, Jace! I can't blame you two. There's a limit to anyone's tolerance.

The gameshow vid was a hoot! :)

WowsRose said...

I had completely forgotten about this. LMAO

One of my other favorite chicken memories is standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes and looking up out the window in time to see one of the white hens get nailed by a little pick up doing about 70mph down the road. It was like a feather pillow explosion. I laughed so hard I couldn't breath, and then told someone about it thru my laughter and totally offended and appalled them by the horror of a chicken being hit by a car..."how could you laugh about that?!?!"

Farm life. I love it. I want some more of it...haha

Sassy Britches said...

I cannot believe you subjected yourselves to that many roosters. One is too many. We had chickeds when I was younger, and roosters are horrid, horrid, vindictive, kamakaze creatures. Yes, that's two horrids. I was picturing you two doing the neck snapping thing or the head-cutting-off thing, but the shotguns was way more poetic.

Feel better soon.

Thanks for thinking I'm an "outstanding human bean." You're purty speshel yourself. And I'm a size five in rings, FYI.

Greenmare said...

honestly, anyone who ever lived with roosters totally understands that! when I was a kid we had one retarded rooster that would start crowing if someone got up at night and turned a light on. He was mean too, he'd come after me when I brought scraps into the chicken yard so I used to spray him good with the garden hose to soak him so he'd be staggering around under the weight of his wet tail feathers and I could get in and out without getting pecked. I'm totally sure the soaking had nothing to do with his attitude. that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Well damn. Guess I'll scratch *get a rooster* off my To Do list.

The video of Louis Armstrong almost made me cry, but then I noticed the eyes......I don't trust anyone you can blind with dental floss!

Hope you're better soon!

Clyde said...

Hope you're feeling better today. Clyde said he woke up at 5am this morning feeling like he was getting a cold. So he drank a bunch of whiskey and is now passed out cold on the couch. I don't know if the self-medication has worked or not, but it might be fun to try if you are still feeling rotten.
Cheers, Katie

Sass said...

I'm tellin' ya, if I had a nickel for every time I'd shot some annoying cock for staring at himself in the mirror too long and crowing about...

One cock is enough for me, usually.

And of COURSE i mean roosters, dirty bird.


I'm just sayin'.

Dr Zibbs said...

HAhahahaha! That rooster crow is great!

debijeanm said...

I'm going to join as a follower, too, just 'cause I love you. Even though I now know you gave me this rotten cold.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I hear ya! I had a rooster that slept in a tree at the ranch in Mexico. EVERY SINGLE Morning he'd wake the world up and he had a buddy "LARGE WOODPECKER" that would peck on the top of the horse trailer. (Not the sharpest tool in the shed) I thought it was "Cute" for awhile until during the day Mr. Rooster he'd start chasing me. Throwing a couple of beer cans at him still did nothing. "They" mysteriously disappeared. I asked no questions. NONE.

- Jennifer

zizzybob said...

There ya go, now you have twelve happy go lucky whatevers. Thats more then me.

Greenmare said...

hey, any news on Toadie?