Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What In Sam Hill's Name Is A Freakin Mini Enema?

I've got a folder in my bookmarks titled "other crap"... which is typed as "other carp" if you've been drinking, but my other carp folder is kind of my catch all for odd things. When I run across a website or a place to shop that just catches me a bit off guard, I park it there in other carp.

I bookmarked a site sometime back and never really took a good look at it, but I did tonite. Shopinprivate.com At first glance the stuff they sell is just the usual items that you'd think might embarrass someone to walk into a store and purchase. Condoms, sex devices and toys, that kinda stuff, but then you (or me as the case is) start looking at some of the stuff that must embarrass people to buy.

Alka Seltzer
Back Scratchers
Porn for Women (which is a book with pictures of men vacuuming the carpet and folding laundry)
Disposable panties Hellfire! I thought they ALL were disposable.

Now none of those items, and there's 100's more like 'em, seem particularly embarrassing to me to purchase, but they must be. There's even deodorant there for sale. What the heck is up with that? Really? There are people that can't buy over the counter deodorant?

And then... AND THEN... you notice some items that really get the old gears turning. Enemeez. That's pronounced, according to the guy in the video, yes there is a video, "Enemies" That's as in "The Germans were our enemies in WWII" When I saw there was a video I just KNEW that this was gonna be comedy gold.

Now wait, maybe this is a product that the mainstream constipated world knows about and uses often, and me... being me, know nothing of it. But I just discovered it so just pretend it's all a brand new discovery for you as well.

Anyhow I was sorely disapointed with the video... until I read the user reviews. There's some doggone happy folks that sure are glad to have old Enemies to stick up their butts. I don't quite understand the physics (pun intended) of how Enemeez and the whole mini enema thing works... nor do i really want to know, but I am amused by it, and you should be as well.

I'm really not bothered a whole lot shopping for most anything, I get a little nervous at a couple of items, but for the most part nothing much bothers me. Checkout can be a fun family time if you do it right.

When my daughter was a baby she had a high fever from respiratory infection and when I called the doctor he said to give her an enema. Well hell, I didn't know an enema from a hole in the... I didn't know much 'bout 'em. So I waltzed into the local mom and pop drugstore in town and was standing there looking in a case holding all sorts of bags and hoses and mysterious looking devices and a young, plumpish female employee asked if I needed help.

Was this her lucky day or what.

I broke the ice with...

Me: I need an enema.

Her: *blank expression staring into the case with me*

Me: *letting a little time slip by* Well not for me personally. My baby daughter has a fever and this was prescribed by our doctor.

Her: Well, we've got single use enemas, we've got a middle priced enema and then the top of the line with rubber bag and douche applicator.

Me: Douche?

Her: *regretful pause* Yes.

Me: Boy I bet that thing comes in handy!

Her: *Picking at a sticker on the case with her much chewed fingernail*

Me: *waiting for an answer*

Her: Uhmmm....

Me: So if you were buying it would it be worth the extra 5 bucks for the fancy bag and the douche thingamabob? You sure that's what that thing is?

Her: Uhmmm... A lot of people buy this one.

Me: So it's your best selling enema?

Her: *trying very hard to be professional* I'd guess so, we sell a lot of them.

Me: Do you gift wrap?

Her: What?

Me: Nothing. I'll take the middle of the road one, I can't imagine me needing the douche unless you can flush a radiator with that thing.

Her: *checking her watch and ringing me up*

Anyhow, the website is good for a little entertainment and I guess if you're looking for a place to buy a nose hair trimmer, a "personal massager", or maybe some disposable tongue scrapers, throw the plastic down and wait for the UPS man.




Sassy Britches said...

You had me at "other carp."

Lady of the Cloth said...

I don't know why I don't just keep my mouth shut on this one but I can't help remembering my older sister, older and dumber, anyway she went to work in a drug store and was afraid of the time a man would ask for condoms (this was 20+ years ago mind you. Anyway she wanted to sound real professional and this is what she said when asked...ready? Do you, ahh want the lubricated kind, or the ...kind you do yourself? at which time, the man just turned and left the store. I told you she wasn't too bright, still isn't. She's a twin and they had to share a brain, a very tiny brain at that!

Jerry said...

I'll skip the website and just chuckle at your literary meanderings.... :)

Thanks as always!

WowsRose said...

Just remember people, his wife lives with this dude and shops with him.

Normal trip to Walmart:

Sally standing in line to checkout.
Jace still wandering aimlessly.
Jace gets a few feet from checkout.
"HEY SAL! Did you get the PreparationH!??"
Sally "...."

I don't even want to know why you would have a website like that bookmarked. TMI! lol

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I just ordered the "Stripper Pole"
On sale For $129.99

* A strong pole
* An instructional DVD
* Can mount to your floor and ceiling.

What mounts to the floor and ceiling? Oh, nevermind!

Great Web Site!

Happy Hump (snicker) Day!
- Jennifer

Cowguy said...

Sassy Britches: It's the other OTHER white meat.

Lady OTC: Do it yourself LOL

Jerry: Just doing what I can. I think there's some wood working tools on that website. *wink*

Wowsrose: Heh...

Jennifer: You rule! I hope you designate one night a week as "Pole Night". Keep us informed by all means!


Greenmare said...

Feng Shui!

Dr Zibbs said...

Do they sell cucumbers? ...(looks around) for eating? ....uh yeah...for eating.

Giggle Pixie said...

I could never have worked in a pharmacy as a teen. I would have been positively mortiphied if some strange man started asking me about the different enemas we sold - and particularly if they included douche bags!!! LOLOL