Thursday, June 19, 2008

Only The Finest Furniture Passes Through My Shop And Is Graced By My Hands.... *cough bull cough*

Okay, so yesterday's post was just a whine o thon about a piece of furniture that I named a POS and suddenly some of you wanted to know just what *I* would call a POS and surely I must be exaggerating a tad. To say that the folks on the Titantic went for a swim on a cool day is exaggerating, to call this thing a POS is speaking the truth in many different languages.

I went out with my camera and took some shots of the thing just for y'all. Lots of times what I'm working on doesn't get it's happy ass picture taken, especially if it's something that I really don't wanna work on and I'm just trying to earn a living by doing it. This is one of those.

This is a stepped cupboard thing, glass doors in the upper, 2 drawers, 2 doors in the base. LOTS of paint. Lots... Gobs of contact paper stuck all over it, and built so heavy it's nearly unmovable. All of the wood in the thing is either Pine, Douglas Fir, or Southern Yellow Pine. Not exactly in the same category as Cherry or Quarter Sawn White Oak or a nice dark Walnut. A good percentage of it was already used lumber when whomever built it, built it. And the guy that threw this thing together loved nails. He was probably married to some gal named Barbara Nails. He loved nails THAT much.

I hate that man. I realize that he's probably long dead now, but I got a feeling I wouldn't like his grandchildren much either. I'm sure he handed on his nail philosophy on down to them and they're somewhere right now driving nails by the handfuls into some something that they're building.

Unfortunately for you, when I took these pics at your request, I'd already stripped the top portion and tore it down. You'll have to imagine it's majesty in your minds.

First, here's the base portion still waiting for me to start beating on it with man tools. That's the top facing you in the pic. That is contact paper, "cracked ice" I believe is the pattern. Mmmmmm mmmmm! Can't you just smell the aroma of a house fire emanating from that beauty?

Next are the tongue and groove back boards from the upper part. I posed them on these sawhorses to give you a comparison of their stark beauty contrasted against the harshness of the cement below them. I scattered assorted nails below them to signify my pain.

This photo is of the shelf boards from inside the cabinet. You might be looking at these and be thinking to yourself "Those look just like regular boards to me". You'd be wrong. These are magic boards. While I was removing 45 layers of paint from them I spoke in Swahili, Portuguese, Upper Tanzania Tribal Whistlespeak, and Chihuahua. That's magic in anyones book.

This is a cabinet side. When I see workmanship like this.... I weep. Look at the handcarving, the intricate fitting, the... the... woodfiller. My God that's just beautiful!

Here's the drawers and doors from this cabinet. I tried to emulate, with my stacking technique, an original Picasso I saw once when I was a small child. I think I may have obtained the "look"!

These are the applied side panels... un-applied in this pic, of course. The hand carving on these are exquisite. Squint really hard and you might be able to just barely make it out.

And finally a shot of the top going back together. If you'll notice the clarity of all the nail holes in the side panel. It took me years and years of restoring fine pieces of furniture such as this to realize that those are not just nail holes. Those are sunbeam holes delivering sunlight to the inner soul of the furniture. Yes they are... it's true!

I'm sure I can be goaded into showing the finished look... although I don't know if I'm the one doing the finishing on this or not. It just gets weirder and weirder. I quoted the thing "stripped and repaired" but not finished. Go figure.



Jerry said...

Ohh. Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhh. If there ever existed a demonstration of why I don't do magic with old pieces of furniture, this is it.

Hey, what are those hundreds of little round dark spots all over that thing?


I am sure looking forward to the "cleaned up and assembled" final pics on this one.

Fletch said...

Oooo, ooooo, ooooooooooo! The magician of restoration strikes again! Yes, I too want to see the "finished" product. Damn, yer good! :) :) :)

zizzybob said...

Yes I want to see it when it's back together too.

Kim said...

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity. It's a little hard to imagine in its current state that there's really anything "special" about it worth saving--worth all the hard work and money being put into it--but I'm sure you'll have it looking wonderful--and of course I'll want to see photos!

debijeanm said...

As I started to read this post I was reminded of the little bookshelf that holds my Civil War collection. It is precious to me because my Granddaddy made it. Very simple. Two shelves. Nothing fancy.

So I'm reading along in this post and saying, "Jace is being too hard on this. Maybe someone's granddaddy made it and it's precious to them, too".

Then I got to the pictures.

Dig that granddaddy up and fire some nails into the corpse for putting you through this.