You Receive 50% Discount Sir.

I dealt with customer service from Hell yesterday. I got the badge and the wound to prove it... wanna see?

I wanna preface this whole thing with this:

1. All previous dealings with customer service with this company have been with clear english speaking reps.

2. All previous dealings with customer service with this company have ended with me or my wife being thrilled silly and them bending over backwards to make us happy.

3. It WAS the weekend so I'm assuming that THATS the reason why my CS deal was farmed out to some dude in India scared for his job, and not kept onshore like it always has been in the past.

4. It's nearly impossible to reach through a phone line and throttle a lil feller half a world away that's ruining my morning.

5. It was all over $12. I'm tenacious.


So I was purchasing an item that was sold by an outside seller (Musicians Friend... a large online and catalog music supply warehouse). I had over $500 in Amazon gift certificates that I'd been saving up, so naturally I wanted to buy the item through Amazon instead of Musicians Friend... where I'd have to pay for it out of pocket.

The rub on this whole thing was, IF I purchased it direct from Musicians Friend, I got free shipping, which was $24 if I purchased it from them on Amazon, and I didn't wanna be penalized the $24 just because I wanted to buy it from Amazon... so I called up Musicians Friend and told "Audrey" of my plight. Audrey said she'd check into it and please hold.

I held

Audrey came back and said "Sorry but the shipping is Amazon's policy not ours. We'll be glad to sell it to you and ship it for free, but we can't do anything about it if you purchase it from us through Amazon. You need to call Amazon and have them take care of it on their end."

So, I did.

I called Amazon's customer service and as always immediately got a CS rep.... but.... this time I obviously had an offshore rep, named...lol Marlon. All I could think of was Brando.

Me: Hey Marlon, here's the deal.... and I told him what the situation was.

Marlon: Mr. Weber, we'll be happy to give you a refund on the shipping. I've made a notation on your account. Just go ahead and make your purchase thru Amazon and after you get your verification email, call CS again and tell the rep to look at your account and you'll receive your refund.

Me: Cool! Thanks Marlon, you're a good guy. I'm gonna make the purchase right this minute.

And I did.

I called CS back with my order number and once again got offshore CS... only this time I got Pryzlbilski and I could understand about every 3rd word he said. I'm pretty blunt when this happens and usually just stop the conversation and tell the rep that they need to speak clearer english so that we can communicate. Usually they speak louder. This time was no different. Gahhh.

Me: Hi, I just purchased an item and yada yada and Marlon made a note on my account and I'm to get my shipping of $24 refunded by calling you and you poke some magic button and I good things happen.

Pryzlbilski: Sir. *always a pause after he says Sir* I see the notation on your account, I'm prepared to give you a credit of $12 to spend any way you wish on Amazon.com.

Me: Excuse me?

Pryzlbilski: Sir. I am giving to you a 50% refund of your $24 shipping in the form of a gift certificate to take care of this situation.

Me: Well yeah, but Marlon said I'm receiving a full refund of my shipping.

Okay here's where "I" should have clarified things with ol Marlon. Marlon told me I was receiving "A" refund, not a total refund. Gaaah again.

Pryzlbilski: Sir. The notation reads you are to receive a gift balance to your account of 50% of the shipping.

Me: No, I'm to receive 100% of the $24.

Pryzlbilski : Sir. No, you do not receive 100% you are to only receive 50%.

Me: Wait. Read to me the "notation" that Marlon wrote.. just like he wrote it.

Pryzlbilski reads it, and I see where I should have nailed ol Marlon down.

Me: Okay Pryzlbilski, this is not right. You need to make this right by giving me back my shipping. I made the purchase a few minutes ago with the idea that I was receiving my full $24 shipping back. Now I feel like I've been yanked around with a little bit of wordplay and I'm getting $12 and that's just not right.

Pryzlbilski: Sir. I am going to delete your order and you'll get a full refund of your purchase.

Me: Damnit! No. Do NOT cancel that order!

Pryzlbilski : Sir. You need not to be cursing at me.

Me: *getting louder* I'M NOT CURSING AT YOU! I'M FRUSTRATED WITH YOUR ATTITUDE AND RESPONSE.

Pryzlbilski: Sir. You need not to be raising your tone with me, I am just doing my job.

Me: I want to talk to your supervisor.

Pryzlibilski: Sir. I know not why you want to keep your order with Amazon.com when you are so unhappy with our policy of shipping. I will cancel your order and you will order direct from Musicians Friend.

Me: Pryzlbilski... do not... DO NOT cancel my order. I'm serious. I'm ordering from Amazon because I have a balance of over $500 with Amazon. I want to use that balance. I don't want to pay money out of my pocket to MF when I've already got more than enough for my purchase with Amazon. I need your supervisor.

Pryzlibilski: Sir. *I'm getting real freakin' tired of SIR* I understand now your situation, but with your being unhappy I think you need to cancel your order. If I get my supervisor again I will not have a job here.

Me: Pryzlibilski.. don't cancel that order man. I mean it. I really really need your supervisor on the phone now.

Pryzlbilski: Sir. I am doing all that I can by offering you the 50% refund of your shipping as a balance on your account to be spent in any manner that you wish.

Me: Gaaaaaahhhhh!! I know how much your'e "giving" me back... it's not enough. Don't tell me that again... just don't.

Pryzlbilski: Sir. What do you wish me to do.

Me: *just giving up but wanting him to wedgie himself til he bleeds* Send me my order. Give me my $12... and whatever else you feel is important to make this go YOUR way.

Pryzlbilski: Sir. Is there anyth..... *click, I hang up*



Amazon owes me $12. Wait til Monday.






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