Sunday, May 4, 2008

It Happened While I Was In The Bathroom.

Last night, while Sal and I were at The Round Barn Blues show, a little incident happened that further reinforced the fact that.... things happen to me in and around the bathroom. Maybe it's just that I notice them. Hell I dunno... but it's usually entertaining.

We were at the RBB's and they had "not enough port o johns" there and I was in a fairly good sized line with a bunch of other folks for the 4 unisex johns that they had. It was pretty dang chilly, like I could see my breath, and a couple of college age girls were in line behind me, one of 'em was pretty well trashed... but still "interesting". The intoxicated one had gone into teeth chattering mode and was having a bit of difficulty containing herself and her bladder. She scootched up as close as she could to my backside and stood there huddled against me trying to warm up when she whispered... as only a drunk college chick can... "Hey mister. You're not gonna go in there and poop or something are you?" "No... lol"

Her girlfriend broke out in the giggles... I did too. I gave her my place in line, she got the communal TP from her girlfriend, thanked me profusely, and stumbled down the little hill to the portapotty.


A bunch of years ago, I walked into the men's room at a mall and there was a real normal looking guy, standing at the sink.... washing his socks like that was what everyone did. I don't know anymore about this guy's story, because more than anything else, a scene like that says to me "Do not touch". I didn't.

I went into a restroom at WalMart once. Both urinals were out of order, with the signs hanging on 'em. I went to one of the 2 stalls... the first one was... "Lord have mercy" wrong. Dumbo had obviously had an emergency in there, so I went down to the Handicapped stall. The big roomy one. I was standing there, just getting started with my business when the door to the stall blows open and a guy comes running in there with me. He's dancing around behind me real frantic like and I ask him if there's a problem.

His response: I gotta poop, I gotta poop, I gotta poop really really bad, I gotta poop.

Me: Buddy, you are NOT speeding things up for me by being in my stall with me.

Poop man: I gotta go really really bad.

Me: Seriously dude, you need to just hold on a few seconds.

Poop man: I can't.

Me: *calling it quits and just zipping up* Have at it buddy. *walking out*

I get outside and Sally is waiting for me and I'm guessing I must have one of those looks on my face that you never see your spouse have, 'cause she just saw me and started laughing and said "what happened?".

Hoo boy, huh? :-)


Fletch said...

oh, oh, oh, LORD! ROTF, LMAO!!! You just can't win, can you? Oh, my face hurts!!!!!!!!!

Jerry said...

LMAO!! Another one that make me literally laugh out loud!! "Mister, you're not gonna...." ROFLMAO!!

Thanks as always Jace. A great read. :)

Brent said...

"Poop man"....LOL. Good read and why ARE bathroom stories so funny anyway?