Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Whiskey and Twizzlers

Whiskey And Twizzlers


A country heartbreaker
By Jace Weber
© 2008

(Pick a sad lilting CW tune of your choice to sing this beauty to)


At first it was a great idea and plan,
stocked up on junk food and beer in the can.
Hot dogs and chili,
Doritos by the case,
Who came in and messed up my place?

Cartoons on the TV and then blood and gore,
Guns leaning against the couch, even my old 44.
Toilet seat is up,
Dishwasher door is down,
Even the air is lookin' a little brown.

(chorus)
(lol)
Ohhhhhh Darlin' when you left me for the big ol cit-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I couldn't hardly hope for a better time for me.
But soon it got lonely and sorry as could be,
I'm living on Twizzlers and Kentucky Whisk-eeeeee.

I ain't seen the dog for nigh on 2 days,
Last time I seen her was in the kitchen thru the haze.
The bathroom smells funny,
And the sink is a mess,
Hate like hell to do it, but I'll clean it I guess.

When you git ready to come back to the countr-eeeee,
Give me a ring or two honey, wo-wontcha please?
To let me know you're comin',
There's a few things to do,
Like get rid of the stench here, that smells just like poo.

(chorus)

Ohhhhhh Darlin' when you left me for the big ol cit-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I couldn't hardly hope for a better time for me.
But soon it got lonely and sorry as could be,
I'm living on Twizzlers and Kentucky Whisk-eeeeee.

I'm a living on Twizzlers...... and Kentucky Whisk-eeeeee.




***************************************
Yup, I'm still home alone! :-)




*

7 comments:

Katie said...

hahahahahahahaha.....sounds like Sal might need to give you a full day's warning before she returns!

Sally said...

Oh you Sweet Talkin Man!!!
I can only imagine the condition of our home.
I was bringing home homemade Cannolis, Sofficini, Capunatina, Sfinges, sticky buns.... but it sounds like you're doing just fine without, I guess I'll just leave it all here for Martin. Oh hum...
Enjoy your twizzlers & whiskey honey.
I love you,
Your Wife

Jerry said...

Roar!! LOL!!

I can't even pronounce half that stuff Sal was gonna bring home. Pass the Twizzlers....

lilsis said...

When should we expect the youtube... of the song... not the living conditions?

Sally said...

Oh yeah... YOUTUBE! I left the video camera home. How bout a tour of the house... start around the area of your chair and pan into the kitchen.
I don't want to see the bathroom.
ew

Brent said...

Jace...in a word...

FABREEZE!

The "I cleaned but really didn't" single man's wife-to-be-home soon secret weapon of choice.

Works in bathrooms too! Wipe down the rim, shoot bout' an ounce in the bowl, Done! :)

Glad Sally doens't read this stuff. Yep.

Sally said...

You're REALLY helpin here Brent.
No.. really...