We've Got A Hostage Situation Here.

Before Sally and I were married, in the winter of 1998 (we tied the knot in 99)we went out Christmas tree shopping for her house. On this little excursion we were in my truck. Nicky our daughter was with Sally and I along with a 13 year old Jake in the back seat of the truck.

We went south of us a ways to a Christmas tree farm and when we got there, they were closed because of sickness so we headed back to town. Now Jake would have rather been anywhere on earth, doing anything on earth, instead of Christmas tree shopping. Think "Rusty" in Christmas Vacation and you've 'bout nailed it... except Jake was in a non-stop yammering mode. It'd got to the point where we were'nt even being polite anymore. One of the three of us was reciting "Jake, shut up" about once every 2 minutes.

He'd finally got quiet in the back seat by the time we got to town and we pulled into the grocery store to grab some stuff and when we got out... we saw Jake sitting quietly in his little corner of the truck... with his face completely duct taped. Just a breathing hole for his nose. He'd gone all the way around his stocking hat, his face his mouth, his chin, his whole dang head was a silver bulb of duct tape.

What exactly compelled him to do this, we'll never know, but there he sat... and it was hillarious. I asked him if he was staying in the truck or if he wanted to go in. No answer. I asked him if he wanted anything. He shook his head no. And the 3 of us went inside.

As soon as we got inside we ran into Mike, a friend of mine that was a cop. He was out of uniform and I asked him if he had his badge with him... and he did. I lead him over to the front window of the store and showed him Jake. There he sat in the back seat of the truck.. all you could really see was this wad of silver tape on top of a small boy's shoulders.

In the midst of all this, a deaf store clerk was working on something in the front window and she was between us and Jake. She misunderstood what we were laughing at, thought we were laughing at her and gave us a butt chewing about not having any manners and being rude and stormed off before we could figure out what the heck.

So I filled Mike in on the Jake episode and he went out to the truck. I followed but stayed hid from Jake.

Mike tapped on the glass with his badge.

Jake freezes instantly, unable to see, but knows that someone just tapped on the door glass of the truck.

Mike: You okay in there?

Jake: *motionless*

Mike: Hey, this is the police. Are you a hostage?

Jake: *trying to frantically tear eyeholes thru the duct tape but it ain't working*

Mike: Do I need backup? Have you been taken hostage?

Jake: *In full panic now ripping the tape and pulling skin and hair and stocking hat all at once*

Me *100 percent totally unhinged as was Sally and Nicky as we watched a little silver tornado of arms, hands, and duct tape, virtually spinning in the back seat of that pickup truck*

Mike *trying to be serious* You need to roll down the window now.

Jake: *finally getting most of the tape off but it's just hanging around his head now and he answers* I'm okay. I was just fooling around with some tape. *staring at Mike's badge that he's still holding up at eye level.*

Mike finally turned and said he'd better go, but he had tears streaming down his face and was the color of a beet. We were all ruined. Jake was pissed as only a 13 year old boy can be... and a family story that we've told 100 times came to be.






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