Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Llama Llama, Who's Got The Llama

Yesterday my neighbor Dale came over and we loaded up our 3 sheep, Ruby and the Psycho Sisters... Dummy and Stupid. Then we went to his place and loaded up his 5 sheep and a Buck and hauled 'em all over to my buddy Gary's house where we were gonna meet up with Doug the sheep shearer guy. Gary was gone but his wife Jolene was there so me and Dale and Jolene hung out for awhile until Doug the shearer showed up.

Meanwhile I looked up the driveway and did a blink... rubbed my eyeballs... blinked again. Here comes a llama being led by some Amish dude. Gave me a serious case of the giggles. I dunno if it was the fact that a llama is being led in, or if it's because an Amish dude is doing the leading or if I was just tired and bored. Anyway, struck me pretty funny.

Amish guy gets his llama parked and he's waiting for Doug the shearer too. Needs to get his llama trimmed up for summer. Jolene introduces us... Amish dude is "Junior". I like that. Junior Borntregger.

Doug gets there finally and we get all set up and he breezes thru the sheep, Jolene had 2 of her own too. No one wanted the stupid wool, but we made Doug take it. Anyway, came time to give "Honey" (That's Junior's Llama's his haircut. Doug's done a few and I've got the rope holding Honey the llama so I get the most instructions about what the llama is and is not gonna do.

What I learned yesterday.

1. Llamas spit.
2. Llamas kick.
3. Llamas got a mean streak in 'em.
4. Junior is a butthead.
5. Jolene makes baby talk to llamas
6. I don't much care for llamas.

I don't know what the correct way is to cut the hair offa stupid llama, but it sure seemed to me like it was the hard way that Doug did it.

He'd be clipping along and the llama would get all still and tense like a cat then it'd kinda just explode with a bunch of grunting noises and Tasmanian Devil spinning. Junior the Amish guy would laugh, Dale kinda stood outta the way of back feet, Jolene made baby talk, Doug sheared, I got slimed by Honey.

We got all done, Junior led Honey the llama off into the setting sun. We all overpaid Doug so he'll come back (lol) and then we went home.

I know this was a prime opportunity for pictures. Sorry, no camera. But I put together this wonderful montage for you of what it was kinda like. I found all these pictures on the wide wide world of the internets.

From upper left. Junior the Amish dude, Honey the llama, Dale (I know it's a girl, but I always liked Dale Evans... what a cool chick. She'd have wanted in on this I'm sure, if she wasn't so dead.) Me, Jolene, (Jolene isn't asian, but I thought this girls pic added a bit of mystique to the whole thing) and finally Doug the shearer.

Click it to make it big.

Thank you, thank you.



Fletch said...


Jerry said...

Now that was downright funny there. Then I got to the picture! LMAO (no, I did not steal that from Fletch. That's "public domain" expression, that is.)


'Nuther winner, Jace!!

Tigger said...

My question is: how come Junior didn't hold his own @#&*in' llama? I'm assuming the explanation falls somewhere in the title of "butthead".

Great story! Sorry you got slimed.


Anonymous said...

Like your beautiful bride said somewhere else--"You Old Fart"

Anonymous said...

I love Dale Evans!Am I totally wrong or do you have on a dress and apron in this picture??? You really have a bighead-I mean that in a nice way- is that from all the compliments on your musical talents? Love the hat-did you crochet the shawl from the wool from previous shearings? Sorry you got slimed but at least you didn't get bitten, right? Llamas are really mean and BITE! Our Llamas are named Dolly,Tony & Bubba. They were given to us- now I know why-I love reading your blog- you almost always have me laughing outloud! Thank you for sharing your wit!!!
Happy trails to you.....

Doris said...

I think it is extra hilarious that you didn't explain your attire in the photo. Perhpas outfit #2, after being slimed, borrowed from Jolene the Asian chick?

Doris said...

I think it is extra hilarious that you didn't explain your attire in the photo. Perhpas outfit #2, after being slimed, borrowed from Jolene the Asian chick?

Mary ann said...

I was wishing that you had taken Sally & her camera along,but then I thought nah - she never would have gotten such a great pic as that!

WowsRose said...

LOVE the shawl! Can I borrow it some time?

Kim said...

Love your outfit, Jace! Nice nails too! Maybe honey would have responded better if you didn't have such girly hands?! LMAO!

Katie said...

Now that might just be the best use of photo-editing software I've ever seen! What a 'honey' of a moment to capture.

Sorry, couldn't resist.