Wednesday, February 11, 2009

"J" Is For Jockstrap

My lil' buddy Sass peeled off her letter sweater and hit me in the face with it. It nearly blinded me what with all those cheerleader pins and crap stuck all over it. I poured some Wild Turkey in my eyeholes and recovered and praise God... I'm able to write (or is that writhe) this blog post.

So the plan here according to Sassalevitra, she hangs me with a letter from the human bean alphabet and I give you 10 things that I love that start with the letter "J"...................

I even sorta volunteered for this thing all guinea pig like, and now it's proven to be about as difficult as castrating a 1000 pound bull armed with nothing more than a safety pin and good insurance policy. But here we go.

Things I Love That Start With J.

By Cowguy McGilicutty (<--- my new pen name for this post. Cool huh?)

#1. Jerky. I love me some beef jerky and how. All except the part where you're digging the sinewy parts outta your teeth for the rest of your life. Other than that I love Jerky.

#2. Jesus. I love Jesus. I'm a Christian and ol' Jesus... he's alright.

#3. Jugs. I don't feel quite right throwing this in right after Jesus, but it's what came to mind next... and I love jugs. Big, small, in between. Real, fake, hell I don't care and any heterosexual man that says he does is a bald faced liar. Seriously. They're like the best invention ever. MOTORBOAT!

#4. Jake, my son. If you don't have fun with Jake... you just ain't trying. Here's a video of Jake in a pretty outrageous Mustang that he built, giving his mom (Sal) a ride. She did a real nice job with the camera and accused him of giving her an old lady ride when they got back. He did, but watch it, he turns it loose for her a couple of times. (watch it in HQ!)

#5. Junk. Every man on earth appreciates junk. The junkyards of my youth where you could ramble around, those were the bestest.

#6. Jewish folks. I love every single Jewish person I've ever met and think it's a damned fine religion. Bruce Lee loved them also because they gave us Jew-Jitsu.

#7. Jockstraps. Actually I hated these things, but I needed to mention them. The first time I spotted one of these things in Jr. High my first reaction was "We're gonna wear a slingshot on our junk?" And why the hell are they assless? Seriously. Could Jerry Jockenhimer (inventor of the jock strap) made these damned things anymore uncomfortable... and hillarious? Give me a break...

#8. JuJu Fruit. Awesome flavor and texture but guaranteed to make you jump outta your seat in the theater and run to the restroom to inspect the tooth that you just yanked the filling out of eating the Devil's candy.

#9. Jerry Jeff Walker. The original drinkin' til you're dumber than owl dung, country bar, party song man. Unsure? Ha. Here he is singing "Up Against The Wall Redneck Mother". The one song he wrote that actually made him some decent money? Mr. Bojangles. I hate that gagorific song.

#10. Jack. Yukon Jack. Front porch. Summer evening. Guitar in my lap. My sweetie sittin' in the swing over yonder. Yesss.

So there you be. How'd I do?

Drop me an email if you wanna round at this and I'll poke a letter at you.



Sass said...

You done good, Cowguy. You done real good.

And my daughter's home sick today and happened to glance over my shoulder and wants to know about the funny brown panties.


And...yeah...why ARE jockstraps assless?

Bella@That damn expat said...

Great list. I bet Jesus is real proud of being up there with jugs and jock straps ;)

Susan said...

That was hysterical. I just did "J" too a couple of weeks ago: Not sure if the link will paste but here ya go if it works:

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Great list!

As for Jake's "old lady ride" with his mom, I was there just watching, "Jesus Lord, help me lord!" I don't like speed. Sounds like a sick rig though!

And #10-that's just about the sweetest thing ever. You are freakin adorable!

Sassy Britches said...

Did I seriously hear you "MOTORBOAT!" right after the winkin' J.C.? Classic.

Queen Goob said...

Things you like that begin with "j"....that sucks! What a difficult task...and I didn't see jell-o wrestlers. You don't like them?

Neen said...

Oh, gonna' enjoy catching up on your Blog. I live in the California foothills and raise cattle, soooo...I guess that makes me a Cowgal.

Giggle Pixie said...

Assless pants? What's not to like?


Nej said...

Motorboat! I about spit my water across my desk readin' that one. :-)

Lee of MWOB said...

Cowguy you outdid yourself!! No offense to anyone else but that was the friggin' BEST letter thingyamijig I've ever seen!! The mustang ride had me all sweaty and nervous!!

I think more people should be reading you - you're damn brilliant. And friggin' hysterical!!!

Thank you to Sass again for showing me the Cowguy!

Anonymous said...

I gotta agree with number three. I never met a breast I didn't like.

Cowguy said...

Sass: Mucous Garcia. Jocks... who knows. Count Jockula maybe.

heh, Count Jockula.

Bella: Thanks. It's all "J's" so it's cool!

Susan: Glad you got a laugh.

Candy: Awwww shucks. *blush*

Sassy B: Heh. I try, I try.

Queenie: I L.O.V.E jello rasslers!

Neen: Howdy cowgirl.

Giggle Pixie: LOL

Nej: It's the kinda thing that brings out the 18 year old in all of us. :-)

Lee: You're too kind. Thank you. Get them other folks over here! I've been at it for like 230 posts.

Anyoldmoose: Shake and bake man, shake and bake.

The Dental Maven said...

Dude! You are a serious Jenious! No way could I come up with that many things that start with J!

Sally said...

That doesn't look like no beef jerky to me. But it does look uncomfortable. Great list Jace!


Jerry said...

You done good. Naturally. :)

Greenmare said...

well, thoses are pretty good, but Jack Daniels is my personal favorite

Princess of Everything (and then some) said... are such a damned hoot!

Now I am singing...up against the wall redneck mothers...