Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Drink.... A Review.

In case you've missed this in the past, I'm not the guy that fell into the whole Starbucks spell. I'm the one that you see standing in the back of the store just watching everyone else and wishing that I had a regular ol' .79 cent cup of coffee.

Now bear in mind there ain't a Starbucks within probably 50 or 60 miles of me, so it's not a place that I could frequent even if I were inclined to do so. When I HAVE entered a Starbucks with the main purpose of actually buying a coffee type drink, I reduce the whole thing to a scenario. A scenario in which I have attained the mouth breather, pimple faced expression of a 17 year old boy watching his prom date come down the stairs and realizing that I have no idea just what the hell I'm gonna do with the rest of my evening after the first 10 minutes alone with her out in my mom's Oldsmobile Delta 88.

Clueless.

So when I spied this stuff at the grocery store I chucked a few cans of it in the cart in a couple of different flavors. I kinda like foo foo coffee drink stuff like this and figured it couldn't be easier for me. I don't hafta order up nothing, I get energized, I get a foo foo coffee drink... all will be very very good.







So I put 'em in the fridge and a couple days later Sal and I were taking off in the car and I grabbed us a couple. A mocha and a vanilla.


Friends. This stuff is poison.

It is the worst. No, it's the worstest.

It couldn't be worser.

If this drink were manna the Israelites would have kept on trekking until they came across a Wendy's. They would have died right there if this was all they had.

The putiditry of this stuff is topped only by the fungus that grows under a camel's tail in the rainy season.


I took a drink, kinda swooshed it around in my mouth a little... did a hard swallow and looked over at Sal as she swallowed and was trying to read the fine print on the can.

Sal "It says it has guano in it. Isn't that bat crap?"

Me "Yes."

Sal *rubbing her teeth with her finger*

Me "It has an interesting aftertaste of cigarettes. No. No... An ashtray rinsed around with coffee. Hmmmmm"

Sal "Stop the car, I want to pour this out right now. I want it out of the car."

I pull over and Sal flings open her door and starts pouring it out.

Sal "It's orange. It's like orange diarrhea."

Me "More like orangutan orange."

Sal "Orangutan diarrhea."

Me "Quite."



Here, I poured some out on a board that I didn't need anymore, so it didn't matter if I ruined it.








Wait... there really isn't the contrast for you to see the actual color. Here's another pic. This time I put a handy wadded up piece of toilet paper on the board. I think you can really see the true color of it compared to the white TP.









Ending my review. I would rather drink battery acid filtered through sludge from the bottom of Lake Erie, and then strained through a dirty pair Roseanne Barr's pantyhose and finally garnished with a slice of fresh lemon... than to drink this crap again.




This food review thing is pretty easy so far.





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