Thursday, February 19, 2009

Spank Me One Time For Elvis.

Today, I don't even have to hardly work my brain for a blog post 'cause my friend Willie has done it all for me. I've got a fairly good sized online woodworking forum and Willie has been a long time member there and we've been on another forum together before that for quite awhile. This is a post from that forum made by him. Willie is a carpenter, cabinet builder, contractor, all around good guy, AND as it turns out..... a paddle maker.

I laughed til I cried.

Someone has to make these things, Willie has found a niche market and has jumped into it paddle in hand and tongue in cheek. These are ALL his words and pictures, not mine.


I was recently approached by a woman asking if I could make some paddles for her erotic web store. Being a little slow at work and always looking for new customers I said sure. Apparently some people like to paddle each others asses and if done right, this turns them on big time.

After some conversation she asked me what I thought an erotic wood would be. After a minute of thought, I decided Mahogany. Perfect color, grain, and nice and hard for the task at hand. It even speaks of romance to me.

She showed me some photos and I didn't like them. We decided I would design these myself and make a prototype for her approval. We discussed price and if she ordered 50 I could make them for $23 a piece. She said she can sell them for $49-69.

Off I go, creative juices flowing and knowing what the end use would be.
I slept on it. The shape of course would be important as would the handle.

First draft. Sitting on a cherry slab with a piece of oak next to it.

Here's a more defined form taking shape, again sitting on an oak shaker door. Most of these paddles made of wood for this purpose are of oak. They tout it as the right wood. I disagree, not romantic enough, when I delved into my carpenters soul I came up with mahogany.

Like all woodworking projects grain is important or should be. Notice how it runs parallel with the piece. Constructed this way there will be less flex and it will be more unforgiving, which is, after all the point, isn't it?
I decided to use leather on one side as an option ( at an additional cost of course). I went back and forth between black leather, stitched leather, rawhide etc.. I came up with this burgundy leather, as I feel its a perfect compliment to the mahogany once finished with oil, oh yes, it must have an old school oil finish for the grain to pop just right.

While I was conjuring up things I decided maybe offer a two cheek version, hmmm,
I may be onto something here. It might help keep your lover balanced. Again always keep grain orientation in mind and an eye on the big picture.

Amazing how much thought can go into one little piece of wood isn't it.
I can be completely politically incorrect through woodworking. I think I just proved it.

My name is William and I am a paddle maker.


Thanks Willie! lol



Scope said...

I think Willie just earned the nickname, "Spanky"

Make sure he adds one of those leather wrist strap thingies. With all the oil and what not, you don't want the paddle flying out of your hand and imbedding itself in the sheet rock.

Scope said...

Not that I would know anything about that.

I'm just saying...

Sunny said...

I'd like to see his final version.

Mrs Parks said...

No finished product?

Venom said...

I must have a dirty mind, 'cuz I didn't make it past the word 'paddle' when a great big grin popped onto my face...

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Wait one cotton pickin minute.

Get us all worked up and don't get to see the finished paddle with the leather on it!!!

We demand photo's!

- Jennifer

Just A Chic... said...

I would drill some holes in it for a little added sting. ;-)

Sassy Britches said...

"Amazing how much thought can go into one little piece of wood isn't it?"

Let's just pause and think about that a minute. ;)

Giggle Pixie said...

Oh.My.God. I totally heart you. And Willie.

This is gold, gentlemen, pure GOLD!!


Stacie said...

you had me at woodworking.

Gwen said...

Can I skip the middle-woman and order one direct from Willie?

(I'm kidding!)

Reenie said...

Demo video?

Just askin'.

Sass said...

Nothing like a paddle, Big Willie Style.

I'm a little ticked that I paid double what he made it mean...this is uncomfortable...

Cowguy said...

Scope: "Spanky" LOL

Sunny: I think several of us would. :-)

Mrs. Parks: heh heh...

Venom: Ha, we've already established that. :-)

Jennifer: Here's to hope!

Just a Chic: You little paddle modifier you.

Sassy B: Ahhhmmmmmm you're naughty.

Giggle Pixie: :-) Thanks!

Stacie: YOu and your working of da wood...

Gwen: Ah Ha! A prudent shopper!

Reens: I'll put in a request. lol

Sass: As well it should be, everyone is talking now.

Lee of MWOB said...

I'm with final pics was a real letdown... Let's go Spanky us the sex paddle!!

We're an unruly crowd aren't we??

Jerry said...

:) ;0

Cora said...

Hee hee hee. A "two cheek version"

Carole said...

You know, being married to a woodworker, I understood the process! lol Just sent the link to DH. I'm sure he'll get a kick out of it! Didn't know there was on on line woodworker's group. I know he does the ng a lot! Thanks for the laugh! Cheers!

Doré said...

I was waiting to see the finished product!! Will you show us??